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Posts by krista

Mar 15

Making Faces

Tropical-frozen-photo "who makes chart to show how to make garnimals at cheeseburger in paradise"

That’s a good question! I’d never even considered that such a chart existed, let alone that a human would be responsible for its creation. I’m not saying I have any answers…

This person made flashcards describing what each Garnimal consists of. Bungalow Bob? Who knew they had names?

On a Jimmy Buffet forum, a CIP staffer (at least in 2006) and Parrothead divulges that he can’t share how to make garnimals because he signed a confidentiality agreement. Damn!

I’ve never seen a Cheeseburger in Paradise commercial. Now I know what garnimals sound like when appearing on the water pitcher during a continuing education lecture.

People misspell Garanimals quite frequently. Whether you type garanimal or garnimal, 98% of the content is about those matching clothes for children that I had no idea still existed and possibly only do at Walmart.

Did I ever tell you about the time I got an email merely asking “Can you help me locate a place to purchase the sunglasses that is on the piece of fruit in the drink picture on your website?” (Ok, I did) A weaker person would delete the shit out of that (I get orders for shovels now and again and those go straight to the trash) but I knew exactly what the online stranger was talking about and my strong sense of duty (and library background) compelled me to find those tiny plastic shades.

The best part was the follow-up (for real–I saved the email): “I don’t get that kind of response from people who are friends. Again, thanks for your kindness.”

So there. That was my good deed for 2009. Last year I came up empty and so far in 2011, my do-gooding has been lacking. I want to be the Michael Landon character in Highway to Heaven of chain restaurant needs.

What can I (barely) help you with? Sorry, I still don’t know who makes chart to show how to make garnimals at cheeseburger in paradise.

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Mar 15

Americas Next Cheesiest Restaurant

8147Muenster Technomic has released its annual fastest-growing chains (with sales over $200 million) and once again NYC is deficient. Yes, we have the number one, Five Guys, with sales growth of 38%. Ok, we also have Chipotle (#3) and Buffalo Wild Wings (#7) but “America’s Favorite Sandwich” purveyor, Jimmy John’s, is a mystery to me as is Yard House and Cheddar’s Casual Café. Cheddar’s? Well, ok.

If I were a contestant on America’s Next Great Restaurant I would absolutely call my dream eatery Munster’s. (Though Asiago's would be more on-trend: Wendy's newish Spicy Asiago Ranch Chicken Club is just one of many chain items sporting the latest "it" cheese.) Everything would be covered in melted cheese, which is about as original as a wrap, burger, wing or meatball–but wait–it would be Munster-themed, like Jekyll & Hyde but with more costumed staff and animatronics. And it would be timed to open with the premiere of NBC’s “Modern Family meets True Blood,” The Munsters remake that is in the works. You will be thanking me later.

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Mar 14

A Foodie Who Takes the Ball and Runs With It

Exterior A mysterious Asian food distributor in Brooklyn is looking for a copywriter through unusual means: a Craigslist ad (which will certainly be a dead link soon) under the transportation jobs section that directs applicants to NYC’s Workforce1 Career Center in Jamaica where you need buisness attire and a photo ID. Do people still obtain employment in this way?

Eerie, municipal and certain to end in disaster, this is totally the kind of job I would apply for if ten years younger and still living in Sunset Park. I wonder if it's Vasinee (they're Thai, though, not Chinese)?

I had completely forgotten that pre-internet, you would go to your city’s labor department and look up jobs on microfiche. They were generally blind ads, so you weren’t even sure what you were getting into. This is how I got my job at a takeout-only Pizza Hut the summer between high school and college. But if I recall, I had a leg up because my sister was friends with this branch manager’s son who was sometimes called “pocket punk” because he was small for his age not because he had lots of hiding places in his clothing. It's always about who you know.

I also like that when I Google image search: Asian food warehouse, I get my own photo.

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Mar 14

Eaten Not Blogged: Dealing With It

Cucina di Pesce: Embarrassing, though it serves a niche that used to be occupied by 7A, Odessa and San Loco: places you wouldn’t normally eat at unless drunk in the East Village. It’s not often that I find myself drunk in the East Village anymore, so I was surprised as anyone to end up at a restaurant not any better than the Italian-American venues I whine about in my own neighborhood. It is cheaper, though. Nothing is really over $14, including my seafood manicotti in spinach shells that I kept thinking were nori. I wish I had known there was a Groupon deal coinciding with this visit, but this was not a planned meal.

Taste of Tokyo: The only place where I’m a regular. The waitresses all know that my order is sashimi with brown rice. Two visits ago I went wild changed to chirashi with brown rice and freaked everyone out. Salad, miso soup and raw fish for $14.95, more than I normally spend for lunch but ok once a week or so. It’s filling enough and doesn’t put me to sleep the rest of the afternoon. There’s no reason to go, though, unless you work in the vicinity of Hanover Square.

Klee: I’ll admit that I only went because I had a Village Vines discount (by the way, there’s one day left if you want free BlackboardEats codes) and am well on my way to becoming a fixed-income grandma. The dinner menu seems far more interesting than lunch, which is when I stopped by. Soups and sandwiches? Boring. At least they’ve stopped with the breast milk cheese (now we only have breast milk ice cream to contend with). The next time I do an out-of-the-work-neighborhood lunch it will be Ma Peche. 

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Mar 13

Painkiller

Painkiller drinks

Painkiller on a normal weekend night is very different from the Christmas evening Saturday when my trio, the only patrons for a solid hour, equaled the number of staff. Now, they’ve revamped the menu, explicitly listing all the cocktail possibilities in a fun Chinese take-out motif. Even so, the ingredients aren’t listed. I just took a chance (I didn’t want to wait for our very nice and very busy waitress to ask the bar what this cocktail contained) on the SW8 a.k.a. Hell in the Pacific because the name was appropriately full of swagger. It appeared to be a strong rum-based drink, its force masked by the innocent  blush of grenadine. That’s an iteration of a Suffering Bastard in the stubbier tiki glass with a crafty palm tree garnish. It’s not easy capturing the cocktails’ colors in the back room with lights changing from blue to red periodically. I couldn’t decide, which unnatural hue I prefererd.

Painkiller * 49 Essex St., New York, NY

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Mar 12

Chains For Fun…and Profit

Report_cover_emarketer_2000769 Most of my chain restaurant blathering here is decidedly light, as it should be. I’ve finally been able to translate my mania into a more serious channel, though, and have written a report, “Digital Dining: Chain Restaurants Add Social Media, Mobile to the Menu” for eMarketer (my day job, if anyone has wondered). Unfortunately, it’s subscription-only so I can’t post the whole thing.

I’m ok with the constraints of business writing, though I’m a little bummed that my use of the word stalking (to describe that Eleven Madison Park Twitter incident last year) was edited into “overdoing it.” I will use this in the future, as in, that guy who looks like House MD has really been overdoing it with Anna Kournikova.

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Mar 10

Chain Links: Sammy Sosa is Neither Mexican Nor Indian

Sosa

You can find poutine in Mumbai and in Toronto saag poutine exists. Perhaps there is a French-Canadian Indian Connection.

Relations are more muddled between India and our neighbors to the south. It’s hard to tell if this press release (is it a press release? I can’t tell what it’s promoting) was written by a non-native English speaker or a robot of some sort or cobbled together by that AOL Seed thing, but the author, whether human or not, does spell palate correctly. From what I can glean, there’s an udupi chain in Mumbai called Shiv Sagar selling quesadillas. Also in Mumbai at a place called New Yorker and in Delhi at a restaurant named Rodeo they serve “tacos filled with mushy rajma or enchiladas which can be stuffed, topped and surrounded with cheese and ketchup.” This is not a good thing. To confuse further, there is an eatery in Mumbai called Sammy Sosa that slings “Indian meets Tex Mex, the culinary equivalent of a hombre in a Stetson.” I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing. This written work can be summed up by a theory from Solomon, an entity never introduced or given a first name or title anywhere in the text, “Indians don’t travel to Mexico much.”

I’m really getting bored by Cold Stone Creamery. All they do is open stores around the world. One just opened in Singapore (nine more are coming) Malaysia will be getting six and Cyprus, Greece and Brazil will be receiving their fair share of sweet ice cream teeming with mix-ins.

I do not know New Orleans-based Naked Pizza, but they have branched out to Dubai. If the company’s goal to open 100 stores in the Middle East over the next five years comes true it will change its name to N_K_D Pizza in more conservative countries.

Domino’s is now in Poland. Even though I never eat at Domino's or Cold Stone Creamery, I will always find pizza more interesting. What toppings will they have?

Dunkin’ Donuts will be increasing its presence in Asia and opening its first shop in Vietnam.

Sammy Sosa blackboard menu photo from Burp.com

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Mar 9

The Baby Food Diet

MostTalkedAbout_FoodDiningBrands2

Subway may have surpassed McDonald’s in global locations, but according to Keller Fay Americans are still talking about The Golden Arches more than any other food brand. It’s number one with both men and women and nearly 60% of Americans mention a food and dining brand daily in conversations (I wonder if typing into the ether counts) with fast food dominating the top ten.

MostTalked_MenVsWomen

The biggest difference between the sexes is that women talk about Starbucks more and love Gerber. I like to think it has nothing to do with being moms and everything to do with emulating Jennifer Aniston.

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Mar 8

Nature’s Bowl

Dailybread It may appear that the foot-long Chicago-style lobster hotdog is the biggest oddity at Pier 9, a new seafoody restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen. But it is not! The cheapest item on the menu is also the most notable (to me, and only me) because it’s a bread bowl for your soup. Only three bucks for that carved-out carb vessel. I so want this to be a thing for 2011. If punch can become trendy, why not dips?! Served in bread bowls, of course.

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Mar 8

The Final Spicy Drumstick

20110306-bbqchicken-box

The generically named BBQ Chicken (not to be confused with Dallas BBQ where I also ate this week) is the subject of my final Fast Food International column for Serious Eats. I didn’t run out of steam; the city ran out of fodder.

The outdoor food court/strip mall next to our hotel in Penang (during a vacation March of last year—I’m afraid 2010 was lucky with Bangkok, Penang, Puerto Rico, New Orleans, San Francisco, Las Vegas and Montreal. This year has been a vacation bust so far and I have unlimited vacation days at work—such a waste) had a BBQ Chicken and I wasn’t familiar with the South Korean chain at all. It doesn’t seem to get the same accolades as BonChon or Kyochon…or even Kyedong...maybe not CheoGaJip. Which reminds me, I’m completely Korean fried chickened-out.

Time to move onto something new for the rest of 2011.

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