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Alfresco Alterations

Primarily, I was shocked for obvious reasons upon hearing of Gourmet’s demise. It’s always been one of the more literate food magazines and with 68 years of history behind it, no less. I’ve never understood the appeal of Bon Appetit—new younger font or not—which is the same to me as Food & Wine (though I subscribe to the latter along with Saveur and Cooking Light) a little fluffy, entertaining-driven and more caught up with celebrity. I always thought of Gourmet as a glossier, less homespun Saveur, not the stuffy, elitist luxury rag some believe it to be (for me, that’s The New Yorker).

Superficially, though, I’m saddened because I really liked picking apart their frequently over-the-top alfresco photo spreads. I looked forward to what nuttiness they may have come up with each month, whether it be a forest picnic amidst discarded TVs and bric a brac or moody barefoot youths in fedoras and suspenders indulging in stone fruit pies while hammocking.

Just yesterday afternoon I was dismayed to realize I’d never received my October Gourmet (or Saveur, for that matter). I need my monthly dose of alfresco porn, though I’m quite certain that I’m the only one who was so amused by these jaunty photographs. Clearly, McKinsey was not. Those props and models don’t come cheap.

At the very least, I hope to get the final November 2009 issue. I’ve always marveled at how you can make Thanksgiving turkey seem exciting year after year.

Royale with Cheese

Croque
Photo from Food Network Humor

Huh, clearly I have no sense of what’s important. (It’s never been a secret that I get sidelined by minutiae and pointless anecdotes.) I didn’t think McDonald’s opening in the Louvre was a big deal, but it’s being written about like crazy. Culture clash, sure.

I’m still bitter about the July I spent as a French exchange student when one of the grandmothers kept promising to take me to “McDo” (I never asked—she just assumed McDonald’s would be a treat for an American teenager) and brought me to a French fast food burger joint that totally wasn’t a McDonald’s at all. I wish I remembered the name or took photos, but I wasn’t in food blogger mode in ’89.

North Oregon Coast Dining

The Oregon Coast, known to cynics (ok, myself and a few friends) as “suicide city,” isn’t the most uplifting region of the country. It’s chilly, damp, rugged, sunless, and there really aren’t any jobs to speak of. My mom and her husband moved to Nehalem a little over a year ago and have already thrown in the towel. Well, they’re keeping their mobile home for weekend excursions and future early retirement, but it’s back to the Portland area for now.

Manzanita inn captain's bed I was only in the area briefly, yet happened to be there (at the lovely Manzanita Inn, wood-paneled late ‘70s chic complete with Jacuzzi and captain’s bed built into a wall nook) on a freak of nature 80-degree September day. Totally unheard of. I even got a sunburn, which isn’t saying much since I also managed to turn red and peel during an outdoor wedding in Wales.

Unlike, say, the Chesapeake Bay, Nantucket, or other recognizable Atlantic Ocean destinations, the Oregon Coast isn’t particularly known for its edibles. People don’t even eat seafood in the state. Seriously, I never ate fresh fish, crustaceans or mollusks growing up. Gorton’s all the way. I even stumbled upon a message board discussion about why Portland lacks the fine dining seafood restaurants of Seattle, San Francisco, Vancouver or even landlocked Las Vegas—unadventurous, cheap denizens being the theory.

Nonetheless, here is a rundown of what I ate. As to what I drank, that’s a serious question. No matter how much I imbibed, I did not become drunk, just tired. They say that you become inebriated faster at high elevations like Denver. Would it stand to reason that at sea level you gain a tolerance for alcohol?

Wanda's eggs benedict

Wanda’s Café, a cute restaurant high on ‘50s kitsch and hefty portions, is popular with both locals and tourists. There is often a long wait, I’ve been told. We were seated no problem on a Friday morning, though. As I’ve said before, breakfasts rarely happen in my world and normally I get up too late on vacation to indulge in both breakfast And lunch. This 10am plate of eggs benedict was a concession all around. For me, that was early. For my mom and sister that was late. They’re dog people. Cats don’t need to be walked around outside at 7am, which is only one reason why they are a superior pet. This very second it’s Saturday and I didn’t wake up until 11:30am, proof that you only inherit so much from your family.
Bayfront bakery

As if hollandaise and ham topped eggs were not rich enough (I take full advantage of my normal food/alcohol/nicotine regulating while on vacation—hollandaise appeared before me twice in one week) I also picked up a few doughnuts at Bay Front Bakery in Garibaldi while hitting thrift/antique stores. Not because I was hungry for sweets but because I had been regaled with tales of amazing fritters fresh from the oven.

Bayfront bakery fritters

I picked up an apple and a cranberry, which happened to be the two-for-a-dollar special that day. They had just the right balance of soft pliable middles and crackly, fried, glazed edges. My pecan roll was a bit dried out. The fritters are where it’s at.

Just as I predicted, by 2pm I was not hungry for lunch. My sister and husband bowed out of the excursion for Dungeness crabs at the Fish Jetty and my mom and husband showed up but has no interest in eating the creatures. Sister is vegetarian and mom says she only eats her seafood breaded and fried. People!

Jetty fishery

With roots in the Baltimore/D.C. area, James is a crab fanatic. I, myself, have only ever had blue crabs and in his presence. Despite more than two decades on the West Coast, I never ate a single crab (ok, once in grade school a friend’s family brought me along to a crab festival in Astoria but I don’t recall actually eating any, just the plastic bibs, wooden mallets and the thought that maybe crab-eating was a black thing because none of the white people I knew ever ate them).

So, we were excited to try Dungeness. “This is the first time all week I’ve seen you two smile,” remarked my mom. We were totally alone in our crustacean fervor.

Jetty fishery bay

The Jetty Fishery is down a steep hill where Nehalem Bay forms an inlet. There, you can rent a boat and catch your own seafood or have whatever is on hand in tanks cooked for you. There are a few picnic tables, an outhouse, a convenience store where you can pick up soda or beer, but oddly no sinks or handiwipes in sight. Eating crab is messy. Bring your own handiwipes.
Jetty fishery seafood

I don’t think James realized the size difference between blue and Dungeness crabs because initially he was going on about getting half a dozen. That’s excessive. I can’t recall the exact prices per pound, possibly $8, but we ended up with three crabs and three oysters (I didn’t even think to ask what variety these monsters were) for about $48. We had everything steamed, took a number and waited about 20 minutes for our chosen items to arrive in a metal pan. Old Bay is not de rigueur in Oregon, but they do have big plastic shakers of seafood seasoning, very similar in flavor, if you ask.

Jetty fishery dungeness crab

I have not eaten enough crab in my life to make authoritative taste comparisons, but for sheer ease of eating, Dungeness is a million times more superior. Blue crab picking is fiddly, hard work and I leave still hungry, hands cut up and stinging. This is like eating real food, more like lobster, lots of payoff.

Jetty fishery oyster

The oysters were so meaty, it was practically like biting into a cutlet. I don’t know if these are typically eaten raw, it seemed assumed that we’d want them steamed. Smoked oysters are also a big coastal treat. I ate the first oyster immediately, and got a mouthful of warm briny liquid. I didn’t tackle another until much later and the cooled down meat had absorbed all its juice. Get them while they’re hot.

For dinner, my sister and I treated my mom for her birthday. Choosing a suitable venue proved challenging. Price wasn’t so much the issue, but finding someplace special occasion worthy that wasn’t stuffy. Not that anyone gets dressed up to dine in Oregon anyway. Polos and Dockers are as good as it gets.

Wine bars are not ubiquitous at the coast, and in Seaside, the Jersey Shore of Oregon, they are particularly unusual. Casual, fun, non-crappy was what I wanted and that’s what I got with Yummy Wine Bar. Yeah, the name’s a bit eh, but you have to keep context in mind. This isn’t a major city where small plates and wine flights are on every corner.

Yummy wine bar cheese plate

We chose the meat plate, cheese plate and hors d’oeuvre platter to share and start. Split amongst six, and two non-meat-eaters, the cheese was gone in an instant. In addition to crackers, we were also brought warm slices of focaccia with honey butter.
Yummy wine bar starters

The spoons contained a black bean puree topped with smoked trout. I picked a Loosen Bros. Riesling and a La Rioja Alta Rioja for the table. Simple but good.

Yummy wine bar greek shrimp

My attempt to eat three substantial meals was just about thwarted by these tiger prawns. I chose something with lots of fresh produce—and the dish enlivened by capers, lemon juice and basil was light—but I could barely get through it. And dessert was an impossibility.

I was looking forward to a few after dinner drinks at the only bar in Manzanita, unfortunately, the San Dune Pub had a $5 charge to listen to cover band versions of “Superstitious” and rowdy frat guys were crowding the entrance. Instead, I drank a few bottled microwbrews in my sister’s motel, which was also party central with youngsters drinking and running around outside all night (apparently, James and I had booked the classy, pricey adult no, not “adult” hotel in town) and tried to avoid all of the 9/11 coverage on TV.

Oregon slug On the two-block-walk back to our hotel I spied one of my Northwest enemies, the slug. Ack, I’d marveled all week about how the unusually warm weather must be keeping these normally rampant slimy guys at bay. There he was on my final night, quintessential Oregon.

Wanda’s Café * 12870 H St., Nehalem, OR
Bay Front Bakery * 302 Garibaldi Ave., Garibaldi, OR
Jetty Fishery * 27550 Hwy. 101, Rockaway Beach, OR
Yummy Wine Bar * 831 Broadway, Seaside, OR

Hamburger Helper

Thrifted cookbooks from oregon

There’s nothing stopping me from used book shopping in New York, I’ve just never been fond of the experience here. There’s just no thrill of the hunt. I’ve never understood the big deal with The Strand, and of course for cookbooks one could go to Bonnie Slotnick’s, no hunting and pecking necessary. Housing Works doesn’t even count as a thrift store.

I only buy new books on Amazon anymore when in my younger days I scoured for used periodicals and books on a weekly basis. As much as I like ripping on Portland, the city is rife with book buying opportunities and that hasn’t changed. I don’t necessarily mean at well-curated stores like Powell’s (I did pick up Indonesian Cookery written by a Brooklyn Public librarian in 1963 at Powell’s Books for Cooks, though).

I mean junky discarded books at skuzzy thrift stores in places like Gladstone, Gresham and along 82nd Street. The uncollectables. And being in Oregon over Labor Day weekend, half-price sales abounded. I ended up having to have my mom mail my bounty along, just like she has been periodically doing with the boxes of books I left behind over 11 years ago.

This ungainly set of books includes:
Better Homes and Gardens After Work Cook Book, 1974
Better Homes and Gardens Meat Cook Book, 1971
Better Homes and Gardens Shortcut Main Dishes, 1986
Better Homes and Gardens All-Time Favorite Hamburger & Ground Meats Recipes, 1980
Indonesian Cookery, 1963
The Fine Art of Chinese Cooking, 1962
Sunset Adventures in Food, 1984
Time Life The Cooking of India, 1975
Fondue: The Fine Art of Fondue Chinese Wok and Chafing Dish Cooking, 1969

I used to be drawn to mid-century cookbooks and pamphlets, mostly for the line drawings and highly saturated color photos.  Nothing newer than 1969 entered my apartment. But more and more I’m pulled toward cookbooks from the ‘70s and ‘80s, eras when I was actually alive. I’m still on the fence about the ‘90s; they need to simmer a little more before their charms are revealed. A friend recently gave me a 1996 copy of Food Wrap, about packaging design. It’s dated for sure, but most of the products look like things you still see in stores. It needs at least another five years.

The thin hardback Better Homes and Gardens series have been cranked out of years. I have a slew of cutely nostalgic ones from 40 years ago. The late 20th century examples, however, are kind of grotesque, possibly because they showcase the kind of food I grew up with. I think I owe my mom an apology. I hated her cooking when I was a kid, my sister and I made no bones about it, but now that I’m looking at these books with recipes like canned corned beef stroganoff and pizza-style meatloaf, I realize she wasn’t pulling those hideous ground beef, green pepper and Catalina dressing monstrosities out of her ass. I’m sure the women’s magazines of the day were filled with these well-intended family feeders, as well. God, what will today’s children be complaining about in 2039? All the wretched truffle-oiled mac and cheese and chipotle-laden, organic pork burritos they were forced to endure?

The more blog-consumed I become, the more I neglect my old print favorites. I’ve been wanting to cook through my cookbooks for ages, gross recipes or not. And just as how I’ve grown to embrace chain restaurants, I’m thinking about tackling the ugly eras first. I’ll never learn to love stuffed green peppers, though.

What Happens in Eugene Stays in Eugene

eugene oregon dunkin donuts semen boston cream

Why is this even a search string? And more importantly, why is my blog the first hit on Google?!

In Other Words: What Do McNuggets and Head Lice Have in Common?

Nuggets
Photo from Wooster Collective

Non-shockingly, the New York Times’s dining editor doesn’t frequent McDonald’s with his kids and claims minimal television watching in his household. But when five-year-old Dexter, a budding mixologist who sleeps with vegetables instead of stuffed animals, starts hearing schoolyard rumors about the Golden Arches, Pete Wells acquiesces and they pay a visit (notably when his wife is out of town because Park Slope moms don’t allow such folly?)

And no, the world didn’t fall apart despite the cooking oil for the fries and McNuggets containing dimethylpolysiloxane, “…used as a lubricant, a dry-cleaning solution, an aquarium sealant, a component of the tiles that let spacecraft plunge through the atmosphere without burning up, a treatment for head lice and the thing that makes Silly Putty elastic.”

In the end, father and son make a tastier, more caloric fried fruit pie at home. (Strangely, I’ve never liked fast food fruit pies or the Hostess versions. My dad was the only one in the family who ever ate them. But now I’m totally dying for a fried pear pie, though I would work caramel in somehow.) And the most memorable part of the experience according to Dexter was the Hot Wheels car that came with the Happy Meal.

As I’ve often said, chains are about more than the food.

How Fast Do You Want Your Food?

Chick-fil-A takes the number one spot in QSR magazine’s new, “Drive-Thru Performance Study.” So cruel, since we’re chicken sandwich deprived here.

Drive-thrus are scarce in NYC. My only experience involves a few local White Castles and the transactions have always been far from award-winning. However, the slider chain came in at number two on Speaker Clarity. I’m curious if they mean the audio capabilities of the speaker or the human speaking to you because there’s no way any Brooklyn locations would rate a 97.6% based on cashier diction.

On the consumer side, who are the freaks that prefer faster service over accuracy?  Thirteen percent strongly agree or agree with getting a speedy Filet-O-Fish when they ordered a Big Mac. And for those youngsters under 18, the number rise to a disturbing 33%. More than one-third of children and teens don't give a shit about what they eat as long as they get it quickly.

Chain Links: Fine Art Edition

An LA couple is trying to raise $12,000 for an “art project” that involves photographing all 206 Sizzler’s in the US. There are only 146 Cheesecake Factories in the nation. Could I get a subsidy? [via Eater LA]

A Shoney’s memorial is being erected at the Charlton, WV site of the original restaurant, and a local artist is requesting fans send in memorabilia, bought or heisted. What’s up with these artists and their chain fixations? [via Slashfood]

Chains are touting cheaper drinks to lure in diners. Those Mudslides can really add up.

The Chicago Tribune’s dining section reviewing signature items at fast food chains only serves as a reminder of how damn highbrow NYC is. Even the Post wouldn’t review Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

In Other Words: BBQ’s Is for Lovers

The only thing that raised my spirits during hours literally being numbed by boredom (and possibly pinched nerves) on a wooden jury duty bench was Precious actress, Gabourey Sidibe’s mention of Dallas BBQ in a New York article:

“This one guy, I’ve deleted his number. I would text him at 7 p.m., and he’d be like, ‘I’m at BBQ’s.’ But the thing is, you don’t go to BBQ’s with your boys, you go with a girl. Then he’d call me at eleven. I’m like, ‘Why don’t you call me at six when you’re ready to go to BBQ’s?’”

Hey, I’ve been to BBQ with both genders. Platonic? Romantic? People in all types of relationships can enjoy a good onion loaf and Texas-sized Blue Bull.

This morning, double happiness: no jury duty and Ed Levine’s review of Dallas BBQ on Serious Eats. Chains are hot!

I just realized I haven't updated my take on Dallas BBQ since 2002 (and I've certainly been there since)–this needs to be rectified.

Meating Out Justice

Meat eaters

Not only is Denmark the happiest country in the world, they also eat the most meat according to a fun graphic from Good. Correlation? 321.7 pounds of meat per capita makes an awful lot of frikadeller.
Surprising to some, the US is only in fifth place with 275.1 pounds per capita. Surprising to me: Argentina being nowhere in the top ten—my week in Buenos Aires was beyond beefy.