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Posts from the ‘Distractions’ Category

Jul 29

This Takes the Cake

Foot_cake As long as I live I’ll never understand the formula that creates an instant blog hit. I know enough that deceptive simplicity with a singular focus is key (and that I’m all about murkiness and scattered thinking).

The latest blog in funny and to-the-point category is Cake Wrecks, one that I’ve noticed quite a few food blogs linking to over the past week or so.

I immediately thought of my friend Jane who has baked some wonderfully grotesque cakes in her day.

And apparently, this sweet-centric blog has thought of her too. My attention was just drawn to a post about an edible Chinese bound foot beauty of hers that’s provoked a stupendous amount of grossed-out comments, a few bizarrely P.C.

Who knew freakish baked goods could stimulate so much online conversation?

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Jul 24

That’s Amore

Breaking news: diners’ favorite dish at Macaroni Grill is pasta.

Also, Italy is the most popular fantasy vacation destination for Americans. I never would’ve guessed.

And this is my dream kitchen.

Tuscan fantasy

Would someone please explain America’s fascination with all things Tuscan? I feel like there is some obvious pop culture influence that I’m naively unaware of just like when I read that someone named Nate Berkus is the most trusted celebrity among US adults. Seriously, who the fuck is Nate Berkus? Oprah’s interior designer, it turns out. Does everyone know this?

Mario Batali came it at number three, so maybe there’s a bizarre connection between Italianism and trustworthiness that translates to kitchen design.

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Jul 16

Blue’s Clues

Bluekitchen Maybe I’ve been watching too much too much HGTV because this weekend I decided to get into the open house game. Just what sort of stuff is selling in my neighborhood, anyway?

Apparently, scary stuff. I now know that $1.6 mil will get you a stuccoed townhouse with security cameras, next to a junk yard on a dead end warehouse-centric street that dead-ends at the Gowanus canal. There might also be a scary pit bull in the paved-over backyard, a one-armed realtor, carpeted floor-to-ceiling columns, Jacuzzi tub, metallic flower vase sculpted to look like two guns and lots of vitamins and protein powder on the counters of the most overwhelmingly glossy blue kitchen you could ever imagine.

I’ve lamented for years about the lack of color in American kitchens (and the abuse of travertine and granite). Even though you wouldn’t know if from my current mishmash apartment décor, I’m obsessed with everything green (despite having little interest in the Upper East Side or Italian food, I’m smitten with the color scheme at new restaurant, Alloro, and might have to pay a visit just to see the unbelievable greenness in person) and fantasize about the day I can apply the emerald hue in a serious way.

So, I have to admire the homeowners’ dedication to a single color (and I know the brand must’ve cost a pretty penny) but this abomination makes me question my own taste a bit. However, this blue kitchen renews my faith some.

And the pseudo-serious house hunt continues.

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Jun 24

Zero-Calorie Steak

Papercraft steak

After all this recent beef talk, I was happy to chance upon papercraft steaks. Made in Japan, of course.

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May 29

Who Knew Cake Was Seasonal?


Rainbowcake

Yes, I was confused by the “Nothing Says Summer Like Icing” headline in today’s dining section, but then the Times always makes declarative statements that mean nothing to me.

I guess cakes can be summer food if you want them to be, but the paper is going to have an awfully hard time convincing me that twentysomethings making $60,000 a year are struggling.

I do love a layer cake, though. And the more garish, the better.

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Apr 18

A Pint of Mayo A Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Alfrescocover
I don’t celebrate Passover (or any religious holiday, really), have zero interest in Earth Day and have never understood the allure of outdoor dining in NYC (or anywhere, hence my fascination/revulsion with Gourmet's perpetual alfresco porn. April's issue contained an Italian maritime doozy, which I haven't had the wherewithal to analyze) so there’s like nothing food-related on the internet to properly distract me today.

Boo.

However, I will admit I’m fascinated by the German man who eats 12,000 calories a day and can’t gain weight. A pint of mayonnaise a day?!

Not so much the financial analyst fast food stunt. Uh, this was already done in like 2005 when it was timely. Oh, and by this guy, too. But what would this city be without rich people thinking every idea they have is original, genius and worth exploiting for profit?

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Mar 27

You Say Stilcheechon, I Say Stilton

Gramercytaverncheese

I was confounded by a cheese last month at Gramercy Tavern. When one of the servers brought out an end of meal cheese plate, he ran through the four offerings and introduced a blue with a name that sounded like “stilcheechon” and added, “it’s different from Stilton.”

First I thought salchichon, but clearly it wasn’t sausage, then I started mentally questioning his pronunciation (when I first moved to NYC I was convinced that culantro was a misspelling because I’d never heard of it). He did have a strong accent, which I actually appreciated (it’s nice seeing Latinos and South Asians working front of the house, especially in light of last year’s Boulud lawsuit) and he clearly knew what he was talking about so I was the clueless one.

Later, I tried Googling spelling variations (stilchichon, stiltchichon, stilcheechon) and came up short. But thanks to The Kitchn, my memory was refreshed yesterday. It’s Stichelton. Ok, so either the waiter did pronounce it a little funny or I transposed syllables in my brain, but at least the mystery is solved.

Sure, it ranks pretty low on the scale of life’s great mysteries (I’d rather discover Sasquatch or D.B. Cooper—keeping it NW for you) but sometimes cheese is all I have.

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Feb 20

Cafe Culture

Edelstein_boys_2

Japanese creations never fail to amaze me (I’m still marveling over cucumber Pepsi and vending machine costumes as camouflage against rapists) and sometimes they double whammy me within minutes of each other.

First, I heard about Butlers Cafe where Japanese women can be treated like princesses by cute western men. Kind of Disney and creepy yet intriguing.

Shortly afterward, I was skimming Cha Xiu Bao and became even more astonished by Café Edelstein, a dreamy restaurant where geeky girls are served by faux well-bred, boarding school-educated gentlemen. The types of gay-ish boys featured in Shōnen-ai manga.

I think this is awesome because freakish fantasy services typically seem geared towards males, cosplay restaurants in particular. They just don’t do this type of thing here, at least not for grown women. Little girls have over-the-top American Girl Café but beyond grade school weirdo role playing restaurants certainly aren’t acceptable.

We just get stuck with Medieval Times.

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Feb 12

Who Needs a Sugar Daddy When You Have Splenda?

Splendadaddy

I told you 2008 was going to be my year. First I found out that fruit, my least favorite foodstuff, has little nutritional value. Then I was completely shocked to discover that cocktails brimming with cream, juice, chocolate and/or liqueurs are caloric. Thankfully, mudslides and white russians aren't part of my drinking repertoire.
 

And now I’ve read about two studies in one week that allow me to feel (minutely) superior in my choices. Disgusting things: diet soda and saccharin-sweetened yogurt, make you fat. I thought we had already decided that aspartame was evil. I never touch either so god only knows what my flabby excuse is. General excess, I suppose.

I’ve always wished I had something small and radical I could cut from my diet like chips (salty and boring) soda and juice (water has always suited me fine, which might be the most un-American thing about me) or milk and sugar in my coffee (I’ve always taken it black) and not things like bread, alcohol, pork products or candy (I actually have stopped snacking on sweets since January to infinitesimal results).

I am still waiting for the miracle study linking bacon to heart health and general svelteness. That's not so outrageous–isn't lard healthier than shortening?

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Feb 5

Roll with It

Blobs

I don’t know O’Charley’s, a seemingly Midwestern chain, firsthand but their promotional site features a heartwarming tale about a stellar roll that’s kind of the anti-Kogepan crossed with the Zoloft blob.

Now I’m craving warm bread.

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