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Posts from the ‘Corporate Culture’ Category

Feb 8

Let Them Eat Football Cake

Wings What to make for a Super Bowl party that's really just an excuse to eat bad food and break in a new larger than life plasma TV? Of course, I had to at least skim my favorite messed-up standby, the Kraft site (I also enjoyed how Food TV had Steelers themed food that was all pierogies, kielbasa and sauerkraut while Seahawk fare consisted of wok seared Dungeness crab, oysters, smoked salmon and taro chips. Is that like blue state/red state cuisine demarcation?) because they know how to celebrate (using as many Kraft products per recipe, of course). I was a little wowed by the Cheesy Football, and amused by the sixth (at this moment in time) comment:

This cheese ball was so great! it was such a big hit at our super bowl party we will be having thanks to this website…i have so many great ideas to share w/ u and my friends of all ages including newborns! thank you see u there !

Crabdip Uh, newborns are allowed to eat this shit? Or does Crazymel20041 just like hanging with newborns? I'm totally confused.

So, I skipped the Cheesy Football, and went pretty bar food basic: guacamole, hot jalapeno crab dip, and saucy little smokies. I'll admit I went with the cocktail wieners simply because we had half of a two-pound Costco bag in the freezer (same with jalapeno poppers, which I also cracked open).

Smokies Oh, and it was hard to resist the bizarre simplicity of the half jelly, half chili sauce smokies recipe (a variation floating around the internet is half jelly, half mustard). Grape jelly isn't something I keep around the house (poppers and smokies, sure, but grape jelly? You've got to be kidding) and I had the good fortune of having recently opened and nearly orphaned a jar of pineapple jam in the fridge that I'd only needed one tablespoon of. I conceded and bought a jar of that ketchupy Heinz chili sauce and shook in an additional blob of sambal oelek. Pu-pu platter perfection.

SbchiliJames manned the deep-fryer because it gives him purpose. He went to town with Buffalo wings and Jane showed up later with cornmeal breaded okra, which also got the hot oil treatment. We had intended to deep-fry a few candy bars, but reason got the better of us.

The past couple of years Rich has brought over his specialty, and my nemesis, Cincinnati Chili. I like to believe that I'm not a fussy eater. Really, the only thing I hate is melon, but there are items that are low on my list, just not in full loathsome territory. Those things include spaghetti, chili and wieners, all components of this regional treat.

SbcakeI'm still not quite clear on the eating procedure. There's the pasta, which gets topped with the chili and grated cheese, but then there are those whole wieners floating in the chili to contend with, not to mention the hot dog buns and oyster crackers. It's all very confusing. Three-way, four-way, five-way?!  I will say that I like the cinnamon as a chili component, it's not a spicy style, but weirdly mole-ish.

And while the Cheesy Football got a pass, the theme lived on in Patrick's Staten Island supermarket football cake. Score!

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Aug 20

Dude, Ranch

I was vaguely aware that Americans have a perverse fascination with ranch dressing. Over the years it has replaced regular condiments like mustard and mayonnaise on burgers, sandwiches, wraps, what have you. A recent Slate article only confirmed and clarified this dressing fixation.

Then I totally freaked when I started seeing those bizarre Wendy's commercials with the ranch tooth. You know, like a sweet tooth, but this larger than life incisor with a face and cowboy hat craves creamy buttermilk laced with powdered herbs and spices. Scary. And well, kind of amusing. The ad agency has clearly tapped into the ranchification of America.

I'm not there yet. If I'm going to inappropriately dip food into salad dressing, it's going to be blue cheese, not ranch. I'm only mildly ashamed to admit that a college friend of mine Kristin converted me to the charms of pepperoni pizza dipped in blue cheese dressing. And I wonder why I'm now having blood pressure and sugar problems.

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Jan 19

Lazy-Assed Sides & Squeezes

The world has gone squeeze crazy. Remember when French’s mustard was the only thing in a squishy bottle? Now every condiment comes ready to ooze through a little opening. I guess the point is that you don’t need a knife? Maybe it’s a messy kid thing? I don’t care for the thickness that a squeezed trail of anything leaves on my food, so I just end up having to spread it out with a knife anyway. Now Pillsbury has Treat Toppers Squeeze Frosting because apparently it was too hard to get the readymade stuff from little plastic tub to cake surface. I like novelty, but this product isn’t for people like me.

Also on the weirdo convenience/laziness front are Country Crock Side Dishes. Really, how hard is it to mash potatoes? I don’t have a family to feed, but still, I think I could handle the challenge of macaroni and cheese or rice from scratch. But it doesn’t stop with the sides, the Meals in Minutes brochure shows you how to craft whole meals around prepared foods. Yum, London broil seasoned with Knorr Recipe Classics Roasted Garlic Herb Dip, green beans with Shedd’s Spread, store bought apple pie with Breyer’s vanilla ice cream, Lipton ice tea, and of course Country Crock Side Dishes Homestyle Mashed Potatoes.

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