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Clyde Common & Teardrop Lounge

As Stumptown set up its first dedicated NYC outpost in our new Ace Hotel, I was back in my hometown enjoying these exports on their own turf. Clyde Common is the restaurant affiliated with Portland’s Ace Hotel, and really tried my ability to suppress the White Trash S. I know for a fact I sent a few emails to friends referring to the place as Clyde Commons and said Fred Myers on more than one occasion last week. (New Yorkers are hardly immune—I came back to see a story about mob ties to Lucali, which the Daily News called Lucali’s.)

The cuisine is American and creative, in the vein of most popular seasonal/local Brooklyn restaurants of the moment, not screamingly Northwest. A college friend, Dassi, I visited in Eugene had recently stayed at the Ace Hotel and described the menu as “weird” and complained about $5 pimenton popcorn, the only thing she ate. I appreciate this skepticism, which isn’t synonymous with yokelism. My two local dining companions on this evening thought tomato caramel sounded strange but were willing to try it, nonetheless. And let’s just say that the decision to keep vegetables out of desserts was unanimous.

One surprise I found in my 11-year-absence was the pervasiveness of lines. I waited inordinate amounts of time everywhere I chose to eat. Don’t think there isn’t a 20-minute-line for Stumptown coffee even in Portland where it flows as freely as the Willamette. No one takes reservations for parties under six, which happens here too, but has never made sense to me. Why should larger groups be seated ahead of patient duos? At Clyde Common, my foursome waited about 45 minutes on a Saturday at 8pm, prime time, of course, so I wasn’t that surprised though I suspect that we were forgotten because after James checked on the list that my friend Adam has added us to, the hostess seemed like she had no recollection of promising us a table in the first place.

I didn’t mind the wait since it allowed me to sample the Norwegian Wood (Krogstad aquavit, applejack, Cinzano Rosso, Chartreuse, bitters) and catch up with chums I rarely see. Sometimes I do miss Portland, if only to hear Arlene Schnitzer references worked into funny yarns. We then moved onto a crisp Naia Verdejo Rueda, a total hit at the table. I’ll admit up front conversation and drinking took precedence. The food was top notch but ingredient minutiae eludes me.

Rillettes

Pork still rules in Portland (actually if I were writing a regional trend piece it would be about chicken livers—they were everywhere) as evidenced by rillettes on toast and pork belly with fried green tomato, piccalilli and pocha beans (these also showed up two nights later at Laurelhurst Market). I always expect rillettes to be more flavorful and am surprised by their creamy blandness. 

Porkbelly The soft,  fatty pork belly was grounded by the crunchy, vinegary hodgepodge that sat atop it. 

Trout

Ok, I don’t see trout much on menus here so that stood out, plus combined with lamb’s tongue and a yolky egg? No ignoring. The fish had a lot of smoky char and just enough oil to keep the flesh flaky moist. There could be no complaining that the main ingredient was masked by superfluous elements since the trout dominated by far. I don’t even remember the tongue and I couldn’t even tell you what else was hiding beneath the sea creature.

Others ordered tagliarini, cherry tomatoes, basil and orange breadcrumbs, arugula, castelvetrano olive, pecorino, butter fried croutons and oregano dressing, grilled flatiron steak, lettuce wedge, smoked tomato relish and cabrales cheese, and something lamby with grilled chiles.

See more photos here.

After Adam’s choice of carrot gnudi being unavailable, being forgotten on the list and later being given the wrong dessert, James remarked, “I thought Krista was the only person this stuff always happens to.” I’ve just always considered myself food and service unlucky, but it turns out that Adam is also constantly ignored/forgotten everywhere he goes. It’s bizarre, he’s completely concise and polite (just like me) and distinctive looking (he’s a redheaded down-to-earth dandy with a silver tooth) so it’s not as if you’re blending into the crowd or being abrasive. We were both born the same week, the same year, July Leos, both at the same longitude 122 degrees (though he in Washington, I in California with 9 minutes, 57 seconds difference) so I’m convinced we’ve been cursed similarly by birth.

I recently went to pick up a prescription at CVS, was asked my name, told to wait and literally 2 minutes later was asked my name and what I wanted by the exact same counter woman when she saw me standing near the register patiently waiting as told. Adam was recently in Europe and ordered dinner at a restaurant only to have someone come over 30 minutes later and re-take his order like he’d just walked in. His theory is that he’s speaking into another dimension and not being heard. I’m not so mystical but am starting to wonder. I call it the storm cloud theory, as I picture one hovering above my head at all times. Later in the week I was introduced to “manifesting” in Eugene, essentially the power of positive thinking. I say fuck that hippy shit.

Tomato caramel

None of us were gung ho on dessert until we noticed tomato caramel as an element in profiteroles filled with sour cream ice cream. It could either be repugnant or compelling. Why not at least share it four ways? Except that we were presented with a fig tart instead. Really, we just wanted to see what the hell tomato caramel was, I figured it was caramelized tomatoes cooked down into a jam, but our server was nice enough to bring us a little ceramic dish bearing the mystery sweet. And no, it was actually caramel that tasted of tomatoes.

Profiteroles And then they brought the full dessert too (comped, I might add). Sometimes whispering into other dimensions pays off. Throat-clenchingly sweet and vegetal, I didn’t hate the pale brown sauce as much as the others. It kind of worked with the savory sour cream ice cream but I would hardly call it versatile or crowd-pleasing.

Niche

We admired this niche still life that looked like it could be the subject of an old-fashioned  jigsaw puzzle.

Afterwards, three of us moved onto Teardrop Lounge (one member of our party was rightly scared off by the crowd and ran home), a mixology paradise that exemplifies all that is wrong with the new Portland. The bartenders have the Windsor-knotted ties and vests look down, the right mix of old and new with the bar playfully stacked with tinctures in eyedroppers and glass vessels of flavored liqueurs (though Adam thought the one with floating peach halves and thyme sitting in front of us looked revolting). Serious cocktails. Serious bartenders, maybe a little too serious.

Sophia loren Oh, but the scene, the décor, the people. Neon, glowing lights, rounded edges, kind of Vegas and early ‘00s. Hip-hop videos were playing on a large screen. Bacherlorette parties with girls literally falling down and grabbing me for balance, black-framed glasses, silver-haired 50-something German architect types who probably have Dale Chihuly (omg, two random NW references in one post) art in their homes, young non-hip Asian (I don't know, I tend to think of Asians as being hip, these were just regular kids) 20-somethings and generally what we’d call bridge and tunnel though Portland only has bridges and most interesting people live on the other side of the Willamette not in the lofted and condo-ized Pearl District. James who never gets hit on was being prowled by a cougar (I know, if you’re nearly 40, you’re hardly cougar-bait) who kept telling him how much she liked his glasses. The only thing missing were opportunistic panhandlers waiting to see if you were going to finish your drink so they could sip the remaining dregs. One cocktail was more than enough. I had hopes of trying the new game in town, Beaker and Flask; sadly, it was closed both Sunday and Labor Day.

The Sophia Loren (Boulard Calvados, Cherry Heering, Del Maguey Chichicapa mescal, bitters)

See more photos here.

Clyde Common * 1014 SW Stark St., Portland, OR
Teardrop Lounge * 1015 NW Everett St., Portland, OR

Mezcal’s

Did I love it? Not immensely. Either I’ve matured or the never-special menu has slipped into sub par territory. After a few margaritas you might not care, though.

I’ve always thought of Mezcal’s as a guilty pleasure but on my last visit I just felt kind of guilty. It’s getting harder and harder to justify mediocre Ameri-Mex with Calexico and Oaxaca now also in the neighborhood.

Mezcal's quesadilla

Gooey, melted cheese on flour tortillas has its place. I’m a sucker for Tacos Nuevo Mexico’s “gringa” quesadilla. But this chorizo quesadilla was a sad specimen. The corn tortillas weren’t very pliable and the cheese didn’t even keep the sides adhered to one another, meanwhile the thing was topped with what tasted like thin Hunt’s tomato sauce, not even canned enchilada sauce, which would’ve also been kind of sad.

Mezcal's mole

The mole seafood enchiladas were fine for what they were. Of course, this wasn’t a sauce painstakingly ground from 25 ingredients but this sweetish mole-lite is a bit more interesting than the taco+burrito+chimichanga combo platters that many diners favor.

I noticed that they have removed their outdoor seating (they do have a back garden, which is where everyone except us were sitting on this particular balmy evening. I prefer indoor dining, though it ended up not mattering since the front floor-to-ceiling windows were all open and I was harassed by tiny mosquitoes anyway) now that Buttermilk Channel has set up theirs on the corner. I don’t know that one has to do with the other, but I would feel less ostentatious dining in front of Mezcal’s on this still mildly ratty (by Carroll Gardens’s standards only) stretch of Court Street than eating my New American fried chicken and waffles alfresco. Frankly, my favorite thing in that immediate area is the greasy crab rangoon at Wing Hua.

Mezcal’s * 522 Court St., Brooklyn, NY

Currying Favor

Kokumaro The Japanese have an opinion on everything, it seems. I particularly like the translated surveys about food on What Japan Thinks. Two recent ones tackled very important topics.

First, do they approve of oddly shaped vegetables? Yes they do! 32.5% have already bought them and 25.5% really want to buy them. It appears that they mean malformed vegetables due to poor weather and not those Buddha-shaped pears or heart-like watermelons (ok, those are fruit, whatever).

Secondly, curry-eating habits. Neither Indian nor Thai, they are referring to that sweetish British-influenced style of curry favored in Japan. A majority of respondents, 43.8%, eat curry at home two-three times per month.  And shockingly, the most popular occasion for Japanese to make curry at home is “When I want to eat curry” at 69.5%. Only 4.5% make it when they want to build up stamina. The leading brand is Kokumaro Curry, winning nearly a quarter of the votes at 22.4%.

My Touch

My phone Urgh, I broke down and bought a smartphone (not an iPhone—out of principle I bought something else, anything else, the My Touch—before I saw Whoopi Goldberg in the ad, I swear). That would mean nothing to anyone else but I’m one of those freaks who resisted owning a cell phone at all until late 2007. Crossing over to the other side was tough, and frankly, I never even use my phone (in July I only used 8 minutes and 15 texts).

And the thing that got me? Being able to customize the shell. I like putting photos on things, what can I say?

And despite declaring the banh mi over earlier this year, I couldn’t resist using said sandwich’s cross section from the New York Times’s sandwich piece (please don’t turn me into the copyright police). It’s really more abstract unless you know what you’re looking at.

McCurry Isn’t On the Menu

Burbur ayam

One of my favorite chain-related topics, possibly even favorite period, is fast food dishes from American chains served in other countries. I’ll never forget the Cinnabon I saw dripping in melted cheese in the mall inside Kuala Lumpur’s Petronas Towers.

Thankfully, Food Network Humor has compiled a list of 40 McDonald’s items from around the world so I don’t have to. I’m particularly fond of the burbur ayam above, but then I have a Malaysian fetish (which doesn't extend into cheddary cinnamon rolls).

Speaking of the region, after an eight-year-battle, McCurry, an Indian restaurant in Malaysia has successfully beaten McDonald's in a lawsuit over the use of the Mc prefix.

Keeping It Hyperreal

1. vonda shepherd red lobster

Why do I know that name? It'll come to me…yes, the Ally McBeal songstress. Oh nineties, good for something, after all.

Though I’m afraid that I can’t help this searcher—do they want to know if she was spotted in a Red Lobster a la Page Six, if her music is piped into the restaurant or what?

The most disconcerting aspect is that apparently I made mention of Vonda Shepherd at some point in the past (and spelled Shephard incorrectly).

Well, at least we have this.


2. the simulacra of olive garden

That’s a bit heady. And I didn’t attend an intellectually rigorous college (obviously) so this is no time and place for deep deconstructing. But according to Jean Baudrillard (via Wikipedia, of course) a simulacrum is no mere copy of the real, “but becomes truth in its own right: the hyperreal.” Sounds like the Olive Garden I know. So, uh, Tuscan all the way!

Also, if you Google “but becomes truth in its own right: the hyperreal” you’ll find a shitload of artist’s statements.

3. how many points in dunkin donuts flatbread egg white veg

Ok, more my speed. Black and white questions, and one with which I have direct experience. I’m a sad sack who counts Weight Watchers points and has eaten a Dunkin’ Donuts Flatbread sandwich (only once).

Six points, if you must know. For the record, one of their chocolate-frosted doughnuts is only 5 points.

Shake Shack

Shake shack double cheeseburger

Did I love it? Yes, I did and plan to tackle the outdoor location now that Fall weather is creeping up and I’m becoming zen about insufferable lines.

It’s one thing to say you’ve never eaten at Masa, many haven’t, but it’s quite another to admit you’ve never been to Shake Shack. I’m
line-phobic, I’m sorry. And I still haven’t braved the Madison Square Park trauma. It just happened that I was unexpectedly dispatched to the Upper West Side on a Saturday afternoon.

Try Gus and Gabriel because it’s new? Kefi, which has always sounded vaguely interesting but is just too far? I’ve already tried the uptown Fatty Crab. It had to be Shake Shack.

Now that the weather has become balmy and manageable, that brief painful humid spurt already seems like the distant past. I wouldn’t say that 90-degree, sauna-like conditions are optimal for double cheeseburgers. But all went smoothly, even during prime time, we didn’t wait more than ten minutes for food and were able to snag a table inside.

My bun literally disintegrated from the hot air trapped in the waxed wrapper combined with the heat from my hands. The tall layered sandwich began to meld into one squished mass on the end where I was holding it. Which isn’t to say that the juicy, melted mess wasn’t tasty, I just had to devour the burger faster than normal because it was falling apart before my eyes. Seasonings and any subtleties of flavor were lost, no time for pondering patties.

Shake shack cheese fries

And because that wasn’t enough molten gooeyness, we ordered cheese fries. Once you’ve crossed the line into excess, there’s no sense in retreating. As a fan of processed, bright orange, the thick, mild real cheese sauce was a shock. A good shock, not bland in the way macaroni and cheese can be (I think I’m a rare mac & cheese hater). Now I’m ruined for Nathan’s cheese fries.

If I had any doubts as to whether Shake Shack qualified as a chain, they have been quelled. Seven new overseas branches are planned for Saudi Arabia and Dubai. Maybe they can make lamb burgers.

Shake Shack * 366 Columbus Ave., New York, NY

T.G.I. Thursday’s

Sure, they’re a bunch of cranks but the New York Post is good for some things. You wouldn’t find a feature about the origins of T.G.I. Friday’s in the New York Times’s dining section. Well, you might but it would be annoying and likely to contain words like folderol.

Who knew that there was a whole stable of offshoots based on days of the week?

“Thursday's (a more upscale supper club), Wednesday's (a huge discothéque), Tuesday's (a speakeasy-style bar — no relation to Ruby Tuesday) and Sunday's (an ice-cream parlor).”

If I were one of those Brooklynites who throws secret dinner parties in my rugged yet airy loft for my friends who just happen to be media elite, I would totally recreate Thursday’s.

Big in Japan

Japanstarbucks
Photo from Trends in Japan

Hong Kong has no corner on re-imagining Starbucks in Asia. Japan has a number of concept shops, and they seem to have a penchant for using historic homes in subtle ways.

Supposedly, there was a Starbucks at the Great Wall but I didn’t see it on my visit. I did patronize an illy café there, though.


Su Casa es Mi Casa?

32235-Qdoba_card What happens something I love: chains (duh) teams up with something that makes me want to cry: faux speakeasies? Inner turmoil.

Su Casa, the semi-secret bar above the kind of new West Village Qdoba, is serving appropriately freakish cocktails and a benign roster of burritos and such. Orange Kool-Aid and Patron? It’s a shame that I’ll be out of town on their official open date of September 10 because I could really go for a Satan’s Horse (raspberry liqueur, tequila, minced ginger and Red Bull).