Feb 10
“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, ’cause I slay.”
Aw…this Beyoncé shout-out is the second-happiest I’ve been in 2016. (Can’t talk about the #1 reason without being a boring sap.) Chains of love, indeed.
I don’t even pretend to follow sports, but the owner of the Oakland Raiders sounds kind of amazing. From the first paragraph of Mark Davis’ ESPN profile:
Most days start the same — behind the wheel of a white 1997 Dodge Caravan SE outfitted with a bubble-top Mark III conversion kit, a VHS player mounted to the roof inside and a r8hers personalized plate. Mark Davis pilots this machine from his East Bay home to the nearest P.F. Chang’s, where he sits at the left end of the bar, same spot every time, puts his white fanny pack on the counter, orders an iced tea and unfolds the day’s newspapers. Beside him on the bar, next to the papers, is his 2003 Nokia push-button phone with full texting capability. When someone calls and asks him where he is, he says, “I’m in my office,” and sends a knowing nod to the bartenders. It gets ’em every time.
Plus, he’s an evening regular at kinda-chain Morimoto Napa and always books through OpenTable.
And he had to give up Hooters’ $12.99 all-you-can-eat-wings night after a back surgery caused him to change his diet.
Also, at 19 Anna Nicole worked at a Red Lobster.
But I suppose in an 8,000+ word article about anything, Red Lobster is bound to come up at least once, right?
The Dallas Morning News ran a recipe for Cheddar Bay Biscuits just a few weeks ago. Secrets: Bisquick and margarine.
Texas-shaped biscuit photo from Information in Motion
“Take it from someone whose august news organization’s offices are smack in the middle of it, and who has wasted countless thirsty hours staring blankly at colleagues, who stare blankly back, as we ponder the imponderable of where, within a few blocks, we would be excited to get a post-deadline drink. More than once we’ve ended up at the second-floor bar of Ruby Tuesday, which at least has elbow room and used to serve a multiethnic chicken wing sampler. Unhappier happy hours have been had.”
–Frank Bruni, demonstrating an admirable familiarity with Ruby Tuesday’s bar menu.
I’d like to know if the $5 Premium Cocktails are actually availble in Manhattan because I see a Ruby Relaxer (peach schnapps, vodka, Malibu, pineapple and cranberry juice) in my future.
Eat Drink Deals has aggregated a slew of chain restaurant happy hour deals.
According to The Boston Globe, Amy Bishop, now better known as the tenure terrorist (well, to me) had an IHOP fit of violence:
"In March 2002, Bishop walked into an International House of Pancakes restaurant in Peabody with her family, asked for a booster seat for one of her children, and learned the last seat had gone to another customer, according to a police report.
Bishop strode to the customer, identified in the report as Michelle Gjika, demanded the seat and, after a profanity-laced rant, punched her in the head while yelling 'I am Dr. Amy Bishop.'"
To me, that feels more Denny's than IHOP.
Peter Bjorn and John in Eater’s Sound Cheque:
“We really try to avoid chain restaurants but from time to time we have ended up eating at PF Chang’s and they are ok.”
Where are they touring? I’ve always found PF Chang’s to be one of my least-encountered chains, but that could just be an NYC anomaly. We don’t have space for the palatial Cheesecake Factory-style restaurants.
David Zinczenko is the new Hungry Girl. But instead of recreating Chili’s Onion String & Crispy Jalapeno Stack with Jalapeno-Ranch Dressing using Fiber One bran cereal, Egg Beaters liquid egg substitute and fat-free ranch dressing and sour cream, the Men’s Health editor shaves 1,000 calories from T.G.I Friday’s Potato Skins…somehow.
Who knows because the recipes are hidden away in Cook This, Not That! Kitchen Survival Guide, a best-selling cookbook that spurred Alex Witchell of The New York Times to recreate Olive Garden’s spaghetti and meatballs at home.
But first she had to acquaint herself with this thing called an Olive Garden. I didn’t need a 101 but this observation was enlightening, “At the bar, every customer was a woman, some alone, some in pairs.”
Ladies love their unlimited $8.95 soup/salad/breadsticks lunch combos? (Only $6.95 in NJ.) Chain food or not, I imagine it beats those 80-calorie soups Campbell’s has been foisting onto eating disordered gals.
It is not all fun and games for the cast of The Jersey Shore. According to Page Six:
“Snooki said she was hiring a bodyguard to keep fans at bay. The
22-year-old ‘Princess of Poughkeepsie’ explained, ‘When we try to go to
TGI Friday's or Applebee's, we can't eat because people go crazy.’"
I'm genuinely surprised there was no mention of Olive Garden.
If you can decipher urban teenspeak, that is. Apparently, neither The New York Times nor the New York Post published the verbatim Facebook update that cleared 19-year-old Rodney Bradford of a robbery charge because it was "indecipherable."
"ON THE PHONE WITH THIS FAT CHICK… WHERER MY IHOP"
The kid wants his Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n Fruity, obviously.
Oh, and I just learned a little street lingo myself. Be very careful what you ask for at IHOP
The world (ok, a tiny portion of it) is already critiquing/panning/mocking new critic Sam Sifton’s first review, a pop culture riddled two-star take on DBGB.
Me, I’m more focused on his favorable comparison of the ribs at Cowgirl Sea-Horse to Applebee’s riblets.
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