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Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

May 10

The Company I Keep

Though it’s doubtful, perhaps I’m maturing or getting taste, but the clothes are crap everywhere I look. Ok, I only looked at New York  & Company but even amidst their mediocrity I often find one or two reasonable items (seriously, no one believes that I’ve actually unearthed unhideous duds there). Not so, recently.

Midtownstrawberry_1  I think it’s the midtown dilemma. Something that would be $9.99 in the boroughs (or the rest of America) seems to stay at $39.99 at this location. This shiny, newish NY & Co. lacks the chain’s major calling card: the sloppy sale rack. No one shops at the former Lerner because they actually love the clothes. At any Brooklyn branch, the full-priced front displays are desolate with just a lone security guard milling around. The crowds are all crammed in the back where the marked down stuff is.

Not only was former stalwart NY & Co. a bust when I paid a visit last week, but my go-to cheap shoe store, Strawberry, a couple store fronts down, had been decimated, it was just a shell. Not that I mind having that lame excuse for a Strawberry put out of its misery. I only went twice since setting up shop in this part of midtown and both excursions were beyond fruitless. The stock was depleted and miserable, and now I know why. Boo to the east 50s—Bloomingdale’s is no substitute when I need a cheap and borderline tacky fix.

New York & Company * 715 Lexington Ave., New York, NY

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May 4

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Asian Persuasion

Mcasian_chicken_salad I'm not sure that I'm loving it. I'm always willing and able to taste test a new fast food salad. And I'm a sucker for anything Asian. But, as I'm sure you know these "Asian" salads (Wendy's has had one for a while, though I've only tried it once) are eerily sweet and crunchy concoctions formerly known as Oriental. I think mandarin oranges means Oriental, right?

I rarely eat at McDonald's, and I find the menu baffling. If you don't want a value meal, you're mildly screwed. I hate soda, so I like to order a cheeseburger and fries a la carte, which is no easy feat but doable. The salads, however, aren't listed anywhere on the menu. I know they have four choices because I've looked online like a freak. The only hint that they sell even salads is the one color ad touting the Asian salad, Dasani water combo with a free exercise DVD. Nowhere can you see how much the salad costs by itself or what other options are available, and that's fundamentally irritating.

The chicken comes glazed with a sweet and sour orange sauce, so you already have a tangy, sugary component. If you use the entire packet of Newman's Own Low Fat Sesame Ginger dressing, you're in for a zingy not-so-pleasant surprise. I could barely slog through the chunks of white iceberg because my tongue was being zapped with citric jolts, and I only used about ? of the packet.

The edamame were a nice touch. I did like the slivered almonds, and prefer them to Wendy's crispy noodles (oh, I just checked-Wendy's has almonds and noodles-no wonder it's higher fat). Wendy's also wins out for using fresher greens and offering a slightly larger portion. Granted, salads aren't necessarily intended as hearty fare, but I don't want to be starving a few hours later, either. I might actually give it another go when I'm feeling particularly cheap and calorie conscious, but I'll by hyper diligent about portioning that damn dressing.

Oh, have you seen McDonald's i-am-asian section? It's not hideous and patronizing like it used to be. Now it's just kind of fun (yes, I find this kind of promotional crap fun) and informational. 365Black and LoMcximo, I'm not so sure about.

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Apr 29

I’m Too Excited to Sleep

Actually, I can always sleep, no problem. I've never understood those Ambien addicts. I just get in bed and close my eyes and I fall asleep. But my wholesome sleeping habits aren't issue here. Though I haven’t noticed it in a few weeks, I was most disturbed when maybe a month ago I discovered that Disney World had dug up that extremely old commercial where the little boy at the end says in a peculiarly endearing voice (I’m only ever swayed by the use of pipsqueaks in advertisements maybe 2% of the time) “I'm too excited to sleep.”

Seeing it made me feel like I was going insane because I know that thing must be at least a decade old. I swear, my sister and I used to laugh at that commercial and we haven't lived in the same city and watched American TV together since 1994. That kid probably has kids of his own by now. At the very least, he’d be in college.

It’s not a classic like that Mikey Life cereal deal, so I don’t think they’re trying to capitalize on nostalgia. And I can’t imagine that Disney World is so cheap that they’d be forced to re-use a twelve-year-old commercial. There’s nothing distinctly dated about it, the hairstyles are kind of neutral and the family is wearing pajamas rather than clothes so there’s little giveaway there either.

  Marketmap_1Slightly less baffling, but no less confusing is how I keep seeing Sonic ads when there aren’t any Sonics even remotely near NYC. And they're not planning on coming here any time soon, if I'm to believe their map. The nearest location is 123 miles away in Ephrata, PA. Isn’t that wrong somehow? Aren’t ads sold in targeted markets? When I first moved here I went nuts every time I saw an ad for Friendly’s because I’d never heard of such a place and it sounded so likeable. You know, friends and ice cream, it doesn’t get any better. But the only one in NYC, at least at the time, was at a Staten Island mall. I did end up going almost two years later (scroll to 6/13/00 if you’re that bored/curious–it was too much trouble to import ancient entries by date) and it was a bit of a freak show. I’m not sure if it’s worth a two-hour drive just for Tea & BLT.

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Apr 26

Shoes and Forks

Bigfoot I'm a sucker for cheap, cute flats. Yeah, they're flimsy and slapped together with weird synthetic non-leather. That doesn’t bug me. What does is the weirdo sizing. I can't figure out why shoes of this ilk are generally available in whole and half sizes from 6-9, and then a 10. Of course I wear a 9 1/2. A 9 squeezes my foot and gives me blisters. I often end up buying a 10, but the back won't stay on and I get foot cramps from squeezing my toes to keep the shoes from falling off while walking fast or going up stairs. I'm trying to figure out the logic that would have them make shoes up to a 10 and make half sizes all the way up to 9, then stop and jump up a whole size. Of course, the sensible solution would be to buy higher quality shoes that fit, but why the hell should I have to?

Completely non-related, but I'm not into seperate posts per topic:

Is it PR or just good luck when a new restaurant opens in a relatively isolated (yet rapidly hipifying) corner of the city and instantly get tons of press? I can’t count (well, I could but I’m busy with more serious things at the moment) the number of times I’ve seen The Good Fork mentioned in the past two weeks. Last week it got the New York underground gourmet treatment, today it was $25 and under in The New York Times. I hit it up last week, primarily because it’s near my apt., and was like what’s the big deal? It was certainly likable, but not any more than lots of other likable places. People are just fixated on Red Hook lately.

I will say that I’m quite stoked (yes, I said stoked—that’s how freakin’ stoked I am!) for the mysterious Fairway that was slated for spring 2006. It’s going to be great, a huge real grocery store that’s nearly impossible to reach via the subway. A paradise for the local riffraff and intrepid shoppers.

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Apr 24

Post-Easter Bliss

Target422 I've been on a few NYC Target excursions since my last Linden, NJ adventure, but they were nothing to write home about. I always feel more satisfied by New Jersey, and it's reflected in my receipts. I blew $131 like it was nothing.

That's what happens when you buy clothes. I mean, the most expensive thing I bought was a green and brown striped drop waist dress for $24. $131 wouldn't even get you a dress at many stores. I also picked up a black drapey number for $19 (which I think might be too big, believe it or not, and now I'm having a dilemma because I doubt they'll have much of a selection to choose an exchange from at the closer Atlantic Center Target). And a couple springy pastel shirts, one with cute pink glass-like buttons.

All Easter candy was 75% off, and unlike the marked down holiday sweets aisles I've seen in NYC, there was still abundance. Rows and rows of pastel goodness. I limited myself to a 47-cent four-pack of Cadbury eggs.

I also picked up a $9.99 cherry printed Luella Bartley bag, Neutrogena moisturizer, Kashi granola bars, Clairol Herbal Essences conditioner (I've just started buying this brand because it actually does smell nice, but I wouldn't for years because I hated their orgasmic commericals so much) Always maxi pads (don't laugh-I know people think pad-wearers are losers, but you can't stop me) and a most surprising wood grain pillow that matches the skirt I bought back in January.

Target * 621 W Edgar Rd., Linden, NJ

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Apr 12

Your Zipcode’s Fatter than Mine

Lobster_1  I've always been fascinated by regional difference in chains, particularly where food is concerned. Near and far, a McCheesesteak 100 miles away is just as intriguing and messed up as Royal Masala pizza with sweet potato crust from a Malaysian Pizza Hut across the globe.

The differences can be subtler with stores, but they certainly cater to regional clientele, as is noted in this recent Kansas City Star article," Chain Stores Change Focus."

You start to get into tricky territory when you decide what various ethnicities might want. I don't have a problem with bilingual signage, un-American things like cactus leaves in the produce section or even Spanish language, themed paint lines like Home Depot's new Colores Origenes (though I don't know how neccessary the latter really is). Shops in predominately black neighborhoods should have make up for darker skin tones and relaxers for African-American hair.

But should clothing be garishly hued and animal printed, as is/was the case with Ashley Stewart (which I'll admit I haven't set foot in, in years)? I mean, black women do shop there, so maybe it?s inoffensive. This article also talks about Sears using more form-fitting clothing and brighter colors appeal to minorities. 'Cause you know they love it tight and trashy.

But what weirded me out the most was that Kohl's "coordinates clothing sizes in some of its stores with the body sizes of particular neighborhoods." How on earth is that determined? (I guess they just analyze the SKUs of what sells best.) I want the list of fat and skinny 'hoods. Actually, I paid a visit to the Harlem H&M after hearing who-knows-where that they had a plentiful stock of large sizes, i.e.16, the manufactured, yet phantom H&M size. It must've been an urban myth because this location was disproportionately stocked with 4s and 6s like all the rest.

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Apr 12

Search and You Shall Receive

Pig Hmm…there's not a lot of traffic to this site…it's new, I don't publicize it and frankly, who cares about chains except me?but I've been noticing a disproportionate amount of searchers landing here looking for Wendy's Frescata Weight Watchers points. Lordy.

Fine, have your Frescata and eat it too. I'll give you what you want now that I'm out of the closet with my humiliating WW ways. The roasted turkey and swiss is 11 points. Happy? I'm here to serve.

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Apr 6

Caftan Shed

Ok, every Thursday I must gain insight from my favorite gazillionaire shopping columnist in the New York Times. Today?s missive, "Seeking Retail Therapy in a Temple of Fashion," had a most enlightening fourth sentence (and final paragraph).

A painfully stylish friend recently stopped by my apartment. Her handbag had broken on the street, and she wondered if I had a shopping bag to hold the contents. Peering into the cabinet where we keep such things, I saw two choices folded on the shelf. I could send her out onto the street in her Chlo platform shoes with a shiny yellow plastic drawstring bag from Dress Barn. Or I could hand her the Platonic ideal of the chic shopping bag, the Taoist uncarved block of retail therapy: the black, boxy, matte-finish Barneys bag. I debated.

Dressbarn_2Did you catch that? Dress Barn. Could Alex actually possess an item from Dress Barn? Maybe an estranged middle-American cousin left her bag, or the help. Mexicans are nuts for Dress Barn, let me tell you. Though to be honest, I?ve never purchased anything from the DB. I?ve browsed a few in my day, but heck, it?s no Avenue.

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Apr 1

End of the (M) Line

Metromall_1

When I first saw this article, "Filling a Mall With Art, and a Few Volcanoes," Metro Mall didn't click in my brain. I was thinking of Queens Center. That didn't make sense. Now, Metro Mall, who most definitely wouldn't have a website, makes complete sense for an impromptu surrealist art project.

My first three years of NYC life, I lived walking distance to the Metro Mall. It was my only pleasure during a soul-crushingly hot summer (I'll have to look back at the temperature records for '98. I'm not sure if it was truly sweltering as I recall, or if I was just experiencing weather shock coming from the NW) without a job or air conditioning.

It was depressing by mall standards eight years ago, so I can imagine the disrepair it has fallen into. I mean, it wasn't a mall. They had a Caldor, which was replaced by a K Mart (it's sad when your anchor store is a K Mart), Levitz, Pergament (like a lower end Home Depot), Fashion Bug, Sam Goodie, and?that might be it. Oh, and Weight Watchers office.

The saving grace was the Waldbaum's, a supremely suburban-size grocery store hidden in the back with a parking lot, wide selection and well stocked shelves. I'd browse the huge big-enough-for-two-shopping-carts-to-pass-each-other-without-incident aisles just for fun (I said it was a disheartening summer, didn't I?). Of course, it promptly went out of business, so I was re-resigned to hitting the dingy, cramped Associated on Fresh Pond Rd. Bah.

I still strongly doubt that Middle Village is a hotbed of cutting edge artistic activity, so it is an interesting choice to stage an art show. (For the record, there's a bus that goes from Williamsburg right up Metropolitan Ave. to this location.) Part of me feels possessive of this near-death mall, like the youngsters shouldn't sully it with their bright ideas. But someone should appreciate its clunky charm before it's demolished or turned into luxury condos. Oh my god, talk about ironically cool.

(As a distracting aside, a coworker recently left to go work for the Queens Public Library system and was assigned to the Middle Village branch, which amused me to no end. It's a bit of a walk from the end of the M line, and I swear to God, is inside of a retirement community. I was always scared of the place. The thought of actually working there is kind of mind blowing.)

Update: Oh, never mind the whole thing. The mall cancelled the show after reading the original New York Times article. Now this makes more sense. I had a hard time understanding how such a conservative, stick-in-the-mud neighborhood would've allowed such a thing in the first place.

Photo courtesy of Forgotten NY.

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Apr 1

I Say Pressata, You Say Frescata

Saladbar Laugh all you want about my Wendy's salads, but my Garden Sensations kick that had started to dwindle has been renewed by their new chicken spinach version. No, it's not the most amazing thing you?ve ever tasted. But I daresay it's the least offensive and most filling salad under five bucks in the E. 50s. Spinach, romaine (no, it's not all spinach–that would freak fast foodies out), cubed chicken, bacon bits, hard boiled egg, grape tomatoes, croutons and sweet and sour bacon dressing, and it's ten points (yes, I'm shamefully admitting to semi-following a Weight Watchers regimen. I would never mention this at work because I can?t stand point-tallying office ladies with their Splenda and microwave popcorn full of hydrogenated fat, even though I'm a points counter who works in an office with lots of women) which isn't bad for a salad with "stuff" in it, and less if you omit the croutons and use half the dressing.

Ha, I see Wendy's has finally jumped on the "gourmet" sandwich bandwagon. Surprisingly, these Frescatas aren?t pressed Panini-style, which I thought was all the rage on lunch menus. I should start a contest to find the best made up faux Italian name for a sandwich. Pax (is Europa Caf the same thing?their menu looks the same) across the street has a Pressata. I'm sure that's just the beginning.

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