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Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

Un-American Activities: Hard Rock Cafe Japan’s Eho-Maki Burger

Like black holes of the international chain restaurant scene, Burger King and KFC suck up all of the black bun attention. Now Hard Rock Cafe is playing me-too, and quite charmingly, with a series of “locally inspired burgers,” unique to particular branches, one which happens to employ a black roll.

Universal Citywalk’s offering in Osaka, the eho-maki burger, is meant to mimic the girthy, un-sliced good luck sushi eaten on February 3. It uses seven ingredients “to represent the 7 gods of happiness,” which include an 8 oz patty, onion, tomato, lettuce, monterey jack cheese and bbq and doro sauce (the Worcestershire-esque sauce served with takoyaki and okonomiyaki in Osaka).

Happy Birthday Hard Rock! From Osaka Universal #今日は70年代気分 #ハッピーバースデー #ハードロックカフェ

A photo posted by Hard Rock Cafe UCW Osaka (@hrcucwosaka) on

Apparently, the roll must be eaten in silence while making a wish for the new year, which kind of contradicts the whole hard-rocking concept.

Shovel Time: Señor Frog’s Times Square

twoshovelBack in 2013, while still a Brooklynite, I wasn’t crazy about the idea of moving offices from the Financial District to Times Square. Who would be? The only thing that soothed was the promise of a Señor Frog’s on the ground floor of 11 Times Square, same as my soon-to-be work address. Not that I’d ever been to a Señor Frog’s. I barely went to a real college, so spring break was never a thing, no ironic nostalgia, and I’ve yet to pass through Cancun, not even as the gateway to Williasmburg-on-the-Yucatan Tulum. I just liked the idea of a novel bar in the basement. So what if the seats were shaped like bikini-clad butts.

senor frog's facade

Except that Señor Frog’s is much more than a bar, it turns out. “Fun, Food & Clothes” are advertised prominently, and the street level space (the free-ranging restaurant is entirely below grade) is dedicated exclusively to merchandise.

senor frog's merch duo

If commemorative mugs and plastic yard drink vessels aren’t your thing, don’t worry. There are mix tape pillows for the basic ladies and straw hats and flip flops for the bros. License plate are a slightly strange offering in NYC and if you’re an out-of-towner do you want a licence plate frame that says New York Señor Frog’s?

Now it feels like I’m at a baseball game. #cottoneyejoe

A video posted by Evan “Funk” Davies (@efdefd) on

On day 2, there were still service kinks to be worked out despite a staff large enough to periodically break into choreographed group song and dance. I also didn’t realize that there was going to be a Coldstone Creamery/Johnny Rockets/Texas Roadhouse entertainment factor. Bonus?

One rule of thumb. The balloon hat-maker and sign-holder (yeah, I have a photo with a “bootylicious” arrow pointing my direction even though I happen to have a very flat ass, if the truth be known) should not be allowed to approach your table until a drink has been been at least sipped. There was a solid, jarring 20 minutes between ordering a $5 happy hour margarita and its blessed arrival.

senor frog's atmosphere duo

A few other things to know:

There is a taco salad, but it’s not served in a fried shell.

Señor Frog’s is a Mexican brand, part of Grupo Anderson’s (Carlos’n Charlie’s, Carlos O’Brien, El Squid Roe) portfolio, not an American company capitalizing on drunk tourists.

Melon liqueur finds its way into more cocktails than one would think possible, including the Frogasm (tequila, melon liqueur, orange liqueur, lime juice, orange juice and simple syrup). The women’s bathroom even smelled like watermelon, though it’s possible I was experiencing pre-stroke phantom scents.

Food is kind of beside the point, but that doesn’t mean it won’t make you think.

senor frog's nachos

If you saw the nachos show up like ordinary nachos, though slightly soggy…

senor frog's wings

and the honey-Sriracha wings, tangy and hyper-crisp even after lazing about…

or the white-on-white cheese enchiladas,  initially mistaken for tacos (not pictured)…

you might assume that food comes relatively composed on standard white plates.

But you would be wrong.

senor frog's carne asada tacos

Carne asada tacos arrive in a real kitchen sink, yet you are in no way prepared for this. There is no reference anywhere, especially not on the menu where it would be warranted, to everything but the kitchen sink puns. (All of the bon mots are painted in neon signs plastered to the ceiling.) This isn’t Farrell’s. (And if you’ve been to a Farrell’s in the past 20 years–or even know what Farrell’s is–I would probably want to be your friend for life or more even if you objected.) But perhaps, even more unexpected was the little ramekin of sweet, molassy pork and beans hidden among the salsa and guacamole. The most positive thing I can say is that at least they had the decency to use corn not flour tortillas.

senor frog's rum runner

So, who goes to Señor Frog’s at 5pm on a Friday? Despite the woman out front handing out coupons and touting with a banner and a whistle, I would say the clientele was peppered with a good number of locals and that there is likely some crossover with the Dallas BBQ crowd across the street even though the prices are not as gentle (though not crazy either) as at the homegrown chain, especially if you’re going large format with drinks.  I happened to pick one of the most expensive regular-sized cocktails, a $14 rum runner, because I wanted high-alcohol, low-fruit, and absolutely melon-free.

me at senor frog's

Am I scared? In on the joke? I’m still not sure. I would meet you for a happy hour drink, no question, though. 

Señor Frog’s * 11 Times Sq., New York I would , NY 

The Week International Intrigue: Doughnuts, DJ’s, Black Bun Redux

When Iceland receives its first Dunkin’ Donuts, there are not only blue-and-red-glazed flag doughnuts but a DJ (playing J Dilla, reportedly) to entertain the masses. Of course.

Fresh off the success of its Tough Guy Burgers, Dunkin’ Donuts India is now further cementing its reputation for savory over sweet with new Voodoo Wraps, burrito-esque items featuring red and green tortillas.

The Burger King black bun craze that gained notoriety in Japan has spread to Russia as part of a promotional tie-in with online game World of Tanks. Fat potato wedges appear to be a prominent topping.

Kuwait now has a Dairy Queen in a mall as it should. And right next to a Popeye’s.

Starbucks opened its first store in Panama and it will serve locally harvested coffee.

 

 

 

International Intrigue: Uncle Sam’s Burgers

twoshovelClose to a year ago, Uncle Sam’s was being touted as a coming attraction. A burger chain rooted in Beijing? I was sold on concept yet not fully convinced since I couldn’t find any evidence of such a creature existing in China. It turns out, two did open in Beijing but not until six months after the announcement, which still makes me suspicious. (I would love it if the Australian rules footballs being used as a decor element in the Chinese shops instead of American pigskins was a brilliant faux-naive marketing ploy.) Would an impending NYC branch somehow make the restaurant seem more legit on its home turf?

uncle sam's duo

Uncle Sam’s opened to little fanfare in May, along a corridor of Fifth Avenue that’s home to other foreign imports like popular Korean fried chicken chain Bon Chon and lesser known Turkish cafe Simit Sarayi. It’s not particularly obvious that this isn’t a homegrown establishment. There are wacky Asian-tinged combinations like the 888 Burger (shumai patty, Canadian bacon, char-siu and Sriracha mayo) and K-Town (galbi beef, kimchi, white American cheese, spicy black bean mayo and pickled daikon) in the current more is more style, cold brew coffee from Kopi Trading Co., a kale side salad, and a soundtrack piping in Matt and Kim (followed by samba and reggae). This may as well be Brooklyn.

And that’s the genre it traffics in, at least from a price perspective. With the specialty burgers ranging from $7.95-$10.95, sides extra, it’s an expensive proposition for an unproven brand with beef of unknown origins. That said, it’s fun, and you can do worse in the tourist-heavy zone flanking the Empire State Building.

uncle sam's trio

I went with the relatively demure Signature, which is more or less a Swiss and mushroom burger with scallions and oyster sauce, because at 11:30am, still my breakfast time, and anything bolder seemed untoward. The burger was larger than a fast food version but still petite, and a total umami bomb with deep, concentrated double mushroom flavor and slight nuttiness from the soft blanket of melted cheese. You can spruce up as you like from the selection of Lee Kum Kee condiments, nearly all untouched, foil seals intact.

The Sichuan chili, pepper jack cheese, and sriracha mayo-topped tater tots and sesame miso caramel milkshakes will have to wait until a later hour.

Uncle Sam’s Burger * 307 Fifth Ave., New York, NY

And Then There Was One

sizzler for rent

I didn’t want to believe the rumors were true, but now I’ve seen the the proof with my own eyes. Sadly, the only remaining Sizzler on the east coast (ok, there is still one in Florida but does that really count?) served its last plate of Malibu Chicken last week.

sizzler map

Even though the past-its-prime chain likely wouldn’t top anyone’s list of favorites–or even crack the top 25–it has carved out a place of honor for me since childhood and took on a new level of prominence after re-experiencing my first Sizzler in decades last August. I talked about it a lot. I still did up until this weekend. I am right now.

Maybe Sizzler just isn’t compatible with the east coast and has nothing to do with changing tastes. After all, it was kind of the original fast casual, the restaurant sector that’s been driving sales year after year. Maybe Sizzler should reposition itself as a heritage brand a la Pendleton or Madewell but you know, for food.

Not even the recent burst of unexpected viral fame was enough to save the brand (though Sizzler’s Instagram followers did jump to 378 from the 48 it had pre-1991 commercial fervor).

It felt like my little secret, not a secret at all, of course, but being located in that quiet, residential patch of Forest Hills not easily accessible by subway, you can almost imagine you’re not in New York City. As I walked down Metropolitan Avenue yesterday, fueled by a daiquiri and negroni (where no one knew it was its namesake week) chased by a tequila shot (all that was missing was whiskey), I decided that a true test of someone’s character would be if they would come to this part of Queens without complaint. It’s as good as a barometer as any, a love of taco, pasta and  Jello-laden salad bars no longer necessary.

 

Not Lovin’ It

Staged or not (I kind of think not), being driven to non-joyful tears by an engagement ring in a McDonald’s chicken sandwich is the only rational reaction I’ve ever seen to such an uncalled for food-based proposal.

Mom On Mom Crime

vulgar

As you may know, though I wouldn’t necessarily expect you to, I’m kind of obsessed with both 40-year-old New Jersey mom posing as Williamsburger of 26 fable Younger and chain restaurants generally, especially if they serve Cheddar Bay Biscuits (not to mention one of the nation’s most caloric meals) . So, the latest hate campaign by One Million Moms cuts very close to home.

This easily riled group made up of a few hundred at best wants Red Lobster to stop advertising during the show (and have claimed dubious victory over a recent lack of IHOP commercials) because of the “s-xual innuendos” and “almost impossible to describe the depth of depravity” and then go on to try and describe said depravity.

Highlights include:

  • Pixelated n-dity
  • Excessive alcohol consumption
  • Pervert meets woman to buy underwear but scams her by sniffing them and then running off

That’s really just one episode. There’s also homosexuality, drug use, Jewishness, removing a friend’s stuck menstrual cup–and to bring this back to food, a Meatball Shop reference. Ban it all.

Millard really puts it best. What’s next, indeed?

International Intrigue: Where’s the Beef?

So, Wendy’s is testing a veggie burger in the US. Big deal.  Wendy’s opened its first location in India today and there are six meatless versions involving spinach, corn, falafel, and mushrooms. It has already been blogged. The WSJ  was not above making a “Where’s the beef?” joke and I’m not too good to not repeat it.

Uncle Sam’s, the Beijing-based burger restaurant that’s coming to NYC for no good reason, will open May 18. I am more than ok with char-siu, shumai, and Canadian bacon commingling between buns.

I’ve never understood Steak Escape. Doesn’t it serve cheesesteaks, which defeats the point of escaping steak? Soon enough, this will be Russia’s problem (or should I say beef?).

Paramus now has the United States’ first Yo! Sushi. The British conveyor belt chain will soon be invading malls throughout the nation.

 KFC will open in Myanmar. There is a strange Facebook page where you can see “grooming training.”

 

 

 

 

Two’s a Trend: Guacamole

Avocado toast’s trickle down effect appears to guacamole appearing at non-Mexican-ish chain restaurants (Taco Bell has long served avocados blended with water, tomato, onion, jalapeño, salt, cilantro, lemon juice, ascorbic or erythorbic acid, xanthan gum, and sodium alginate) as if this exotic import just arrived in America circa 2015.

Ok, I’ve only seen two commercials in two days. That’s evidence enough by today’s standards. No, really, it is–USA Today wrote about guacamole going “mainstream” based on these two new product introductions.

Subway:

Dunkin’ Donuts:

Bonus USA Today content because it’s Cinco de Mayo: get Chipotle’s (pronounced Chipoltay according to the millennial platform producer/journalist voicing the video) never-revealed-before guacamole recipe.

Now That’s a Sizzle Reel

This promotional Sizzler video from 1991 has been making the rounds the past few days (even the New York Post has gotten into the act) and has ended up on my timeline enough that it needs a dedicated blog post even if only to say: yes, here it is. I think this is called bearing witness.

What nerve is this creation, coated in a naturally occurring Adult Swim sensibility, touching/soothing/stimulating? It’s the naked 1991-ness at work.

I can’t say this was my 1991. It probably wasn’t anyone’s except for the sea captain, lip-licker, brick phone-gabber and the couple toasting with a carafe of Chardonnay (or was that White Zinfandel?).  I appreciate how it captures those cusp years where the softer pastels and country quilt fonts of the 1980s have yet to give way to the dressed-down yet more exxxtreme ’90s. (That tweener quality is one of the reasons I believe The Americans is so good.) You don’t know what this still newish decade is going to be yet. This tame Sizzler commercial feels more ’90s, which probably means that is from 2002.

We’re smack in the middle of the 2010s, and I still don’t know what to make of them. All I know is that I would like to be the go to person for all things Sizzler. Please think of me in the future for any Sizzler-related needs.

Counting down the days til we get an oral history of the making of the 1991 Sizzler promo…