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To Think it All Began With a Burrito Bowl

I had never heard of Clover (then again, I just learned about Hinge this year) but it’s clearly the most amazing dating app of all time. Users only go on first dates to chain restaurants, if the company’s recently released data (and subsequent mocking) is to be taken at face value.

clover infographicThese daters also appear to either be children or very lame adults since more than half of men (51%) prefer restaurants and nearly an equal number of of women (52%) like meeting at coffee shops when everyone knows you’re supposed to drink until you cry on first dates, not eat Southwestern or Tex-Mex egg rolls (though technically you could do both at Cheesecake Factory or Chili’s). Only 16 of the top 30 locations exist in NYC anyway, so it’s all kind of irrelevant.

Since you asked, I’ve only been on four dates in the past year–all firsts and lasts–and I now blame it on the choice of location: Baz Bagels, Niagara, Simit Sarayi, Bushwick Country Club (oh, and someplace to be determined between Jackson Heights and Forest Hills tonight which I may just bail on). Things would be very different if that tri-level Times Square Olive Garden that Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt only succeeded in making seem more appealing played a larger role in meeting strangers.

I will marry the first person who suggests a date at Sizzler.

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