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If It Was Good Enough for the Golden Girls

SlickedI’ve never been to Florida and have never really had the desire to pay a visit, but I will now be going to Miami over Labor Day weekend. I’m a way in advance planner (to the point of annoyance) but someone in my household isn’t and just yesterday got the idea to go away at the end of the month. Toronto was the first choice, just a simple, quick trip, but the prices went way up today (see, advance planning). Miami and Dallas were presented to me as alternatives (I have no idea how those were arrived at—I’m not in direct contact with the out-of-town flight searcher) and I said it didn’t matter one way or the other. So, Miami it is. I just wanted to not be in NYC for a few days.

But what on earth do you do in Miami? Everything I see on TV is frightening, and I base all my travel plans around fictional shows. I don’t want to go to a horrible club like Nikki Beach on last night’s Top Chef. I was semi-forced to watch Miami Vice on cable last week and I’m really scared that South American drug lords, neo-nazis and Colin Farrells with sun-streaked slicked back hair and a ‘stache (love those S’s) will be roaming the neon-lit, palm tree lined streets. Oh, pardon, calles. I don’t know that I’ve ever had cubano made by a Cuban, so that’s a bright spot. Dexter is set in Miami, right? I don’t recall an abundance of tan flesh or bikinis on that show (just lots of dismembered body parts and blood), so maybe I’m safe, after all.

Ok, I really hope I didn’t hallucinate this. And I wish I knew how to capture video from TV. About twenty minutes after posting the above, I flipped channels, found nothing of interest (I tried watching Last Comic Standing and it was too painful. I do kind of like Mind Control With Darren Brown, though. He’s the anti-Criss Angel) and lazily left it on the USA Network where an old Law & Order: Criminal Intent was on. Griffin Dunne was playing some possible lawyer/killer and he was reassuring his redheaded Eastern European mistress with these sweet words:

Griffin: You’ve been bugging me to take you away for the weekend. I’m taking you to Connecticut.
Sexy Slav: I want to go to Miami…South Beach.
Griffin: This time of year? It’s like a damn sauna. You’ll like Connecticut, it’s got a casino.
Sexy Slav: Z’ere eez no sandy beach there (I can’t type in dialect). I got beautiful bikini today with little string go up between here (motioning towards her ass).
Griffin: Oh yeah? Why don’t you wear it in the hotel room?
Sexy Slav: You promised me Miami, you promised we’d go away for a month.
Griffin: Look, just give me this weekend, and we’ll go to Miami for Labor Day.

See? Miami is clearly the choice Labor Day getaway. If it's on Law & Order, it must be true.

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