Posts from the ‘What to Eat’ Category

Jan 4

DiFara’s

1/2

OK, this is like the holy grail of pizza, so I can't explain my chronic
reluctance to give it a try. People go nuts for Sripraphai as NYC's ultimate
Thai, and I've never had a problem giving into the mania — but pizza — I
don't know. On my final carbohydrate-eating weekend, it seemed like as good
a time as any to pay a visit. The thing with places like this is the
routine, like you're not a regular, and you know there's going to be a
procedure or unspoken rules. I mean, this is NYC. I was aware that
everything is handmade on the spot and that it's manned by an older
gentleman. This makes for a long wait, and everyone else seemed to be
ordering plain slices. I wanted an artichoke and an eggplant, while James
wanted pepperoni. This seemed to cause trauma, at least on our end. James
became convinced he was going to make an entire pie with each topping and
out of confusion we'd be charged for three whole pizzas. I didn't believe
this, but was confused on how they seem to make an entire pie for one unique
slice. See, I didn't know the procedure. We could've made it more efficient
by ordering the same toppings. I got nervous we weren't going to get pizza
at all because like 20 minutes had passed, but it all worked out in the end.
And the pizza was pretty damn good. A nice crispy crust, fresh mozzarella,
parmesan grated on the spot and vegetables sauted to order. I understand
the time involved, but it made me nervous because that's the way I am.
(1/4/03)

This time we thought we were being smart by calling ahead for a pizza
with eggplant and pepperoni, but I don't know that it makes any difference,
or that you're even able to do that. When we showed up 45 minutes later and
the pizza hadn't even been started. What can you do? Don't good things come
to those who wait? Maybe in the rest of the country, but that adage seems to
go against the grain of most New Yorkers. Once again, a very good pizza
resulted. Everything will be fine once I develop my patience building
skills. (2/15/03)

DiFara's * 1424 Avenue J, Brooklyn, NY

Share on Tumblr

Dec 31

Alias

You can't blame me for not remembering the finer details of my food, it was
New Year's Eve, after all. The amounts of alcohol that precede, accompany
and follow special occasion meals can seriously affect my recall ability.
There was a prix fixe menu from which I selected a sunchoke soup with apple
and bacon, a main of steak (I don't even remember the cut) with a blue
cheese sauce and a molten chocolate cake that was without choice. I have
nothing bad to say about the dining experience, but enough with the molten
cakes, already.

Alias * 76 Clinton St.,
New York, NY

Share on Tumblr

Dec 8

Mesa Grill

1/2

"Everybody likes Bobby Flay" goes some annoying guy in an annoying Food TV
commercial. That is a flat-out lie, but I have no beefs with Bobby's
restaurant. I'm not so into the '80s Southwestern, bold flavors thing, but
the brunch is surprisingly good (I go nuts because it seems like our friends
go to the same brunch place, Teddy's, a block from their apartments every
single freaking weekend. Why do I care? It just annoys me when people won't
venture beyond the place on their corner. Or maybe I'm just jealous because
I've never had a place on my corner).

The woman at the neighboring table was surprisingly non-good. The bread
basket filled with baked goodies and jalepeno jelly, chicken sweet potato
hash with poached eggs and chile hollandaise and home fries was almost
ruined by listening to some twat (sorry, I've been addicted to that word
lately) go on and on about weddings, her expense account and her brand new
$500 boots (which unfortunately I couldn't see, as she was too close). She
committed ten million food faux pas. She asked about the burger. She ordered
a salad. Her friend ordered the exact salad. You don't order salads and
burgers at restaurants that do other things better (both her and the
level-headed friend shamelessly ogled our food, not without surprise) and
you don't order the same thing as your dining partner unless it's like a bbq
place or chicken shack, you know, a place known for their one thing. She
didn't know what tomatillos were, but made it seem like this was the
waiter's problem, not hers. This is the kind of woman who abuses customer
service, returns things after wearing them and is mean to "the help." When
the waiter innocently asked, "how is everything" she matter-of-factly
replied, "I'm bored," as if it was his job to play court jester.

My mouth was happy, my eyes and ears were in hell. I think it's the Food
TV curse. Demanding people who care very little about food and lots about
dining out. God help me the day I dine at an Emeril venture.

Mesa Grill * 102 Fifth Ave.,
New York, NY

Share on Tumblr

Dec 1

Legin

It's all about the taro-shrimp "cookies." This fried dim sum novelty seems
to be exclusive to Portland, and may be one of the city's few redeeming
foodstuffs.

Legin * 8001 SE Division St., Portland, OR

Share on Tumblr

Nov 29

Silver Palace

Do words like sub gum, chop suey and combination plate #2 give you the
heebie jeebies? Then you'd do well to steer clear of Tigard. They do their
Chinese vintage, red vinyl booth, cocktail lounge in back, hamburgers on the
American menu style. When your dad brags about a great Chinese restaurant
where he and the rest of the Lions Club meet bi-monthly, and complains about
General Tso chicken being too spicy, you'd better know what you're in for.
You're in for a shitload of food for five bucks: egg drop soup in that
abnormally yellow (from dye? extra yolk?) style with corn thrown in for good
measure, fried rice, mar far chicken (battered, chicken strips served with
that near extinct little dish with 70% ketchup, 15% hot mustard and 15%
sesame seeds) and kung pao three ways with beef, chicken, shrimp and
scallops (yes, that's more than three ways).
The ominous fortune spooked me slightly, "Do not be intimidated by the
eloquence of others." I don't like to think that I am. It prompted my dad to
talk about how can fit in any social situation, "It's common sense. if you
to a black-tie affair you wear a suit jacket." Plain and simple. Strange,
because I'd just been given Paul Fussel's humorously scathing "Class" to
read and it had filled my mind with all sorts of ideas about social strata,
middle class aspirations and proletariat ideals. My genes are so prole they
hurt. Middle class would totally stress over impressing at an event, which
is ridiculous in its own way. Proles just go with the flow because as they
say ignorance is bliss. (11/29/02)

Silver Palace * 1455 SW Pacific Hwy., Tigard, OR

Share on Tumblr

Nov 27

Shalimar

Not the old lady perfume (which I actually own) or the funky band (which I don’t). It’s Oregon’s, and quite possibly the world’s, freakiest Indian restaurant. Smack dab in the middle of nowheresville, this suburban raja’s palace gives one pause.

I’d never heard of Orenco Station till that very morning when I was skimming “Oregonian” ads and saw some whole foods store called New Seasons in a place called Orenco Station in Hillsboro. Moving out of Oregon four and a half years ago, I’d missed the boom years and subsequent housing developments in former outskirts now made accessible by new light rail lines.

Many factors played in this dining choice. The main one being my friend Todd’s curiosity after reading a review in “The Willamette Week” (disgustingly called “Willie Week” by a former coworker) coupled with my creepy fascination with sterile suburbs. Plus, it was minutes from my mom’s mobile home where I was staying. It played into my fantasy of visiting Portland without ever actually stepping foot in the city, as well as Todd’s of riding MAX to a planned community for dinner.

We made plans to meet up that evening at Orenco Station. The “community” is beyond bizarre. I think the original idea was to re-create a small-town, main street atmosphere with housing for various income levels, complete with dining, shopping, parks and a town square. Idyllic, no? Well, there is one main street, the one pictured on the webpage. And that’s it. There is a Kitchen Kaboodle, Starbucks, the aforementioned New Seasons, an Italian restaurant and Shalimar, all above pricey “hip kitchen lofts” that lord only knows who lives in. Identical ’40s-style “cottages” flank a long grassy
strip of land beyond the shopping area.

At 8pm the entire area was desolate. We feared getting beat up by merely standing in the gazebo after dark, and joked about being pegged for young lovers and subsequently harassed (he’s 40+ and gay). Such solitude breeds suspicion. Benches abound. No one would ever dare sit on them, though. The half-mile or so between the development and the train station is filled with driveways that end in grass and more aimless benches scattered throughout the sidewalks yet to used for foot traffic. There are no homes, just empty lots. Who on earth lives here?

Oh, but the food. The food is fine. Not remarkable, but better than to be expected in such a setting. Someone went wild with the menu descriptions. An Afghani lamb dish is inspired by “outlandish, free spirited farmers.” All right, they were talking to us!

Back to the neighborhood. As it turns out, the money ran out. All the empty space is not waiting to be filled, but at a perpetual stand still. The nearby tech jobs have dried up and the area is now a once affluent ghost town. So much for 1998’s “America’s Community of the Year.” God bless the Northwest. They try. If I were an eccentric billionaire I’d snatch up a place in Orenco Station just for shits and giggles.

Shalimar* 1340 Orenco Station, Hillsboro, OR

Share on Tumblr

Nov 16

Blue Smoke

Some moderately clever reviewer could craft some line about Blue Smoke and
mirrors, since most BBQ aficionados don't believe this latest Danny Meyer
creation is all that it's beefed up to be. I'm no bbq aficionado. Heck, I
enjoy Dallas BBQ. I've never been to the Carolinas, Texas, Kansas City or
Kentucky. I've lived in one city in the NW and one city in the NE. What I'm
saying is that Blue Smoke made a perfectly acceptable Saturday night
excursion because what you don't know won't kill you.

BlueSmoke * 116 E. 27th St., New
York, NY

Share on Tumblr

Nov 10

Five Points

This started as a brunch suggestion for James to take his parents (not with
me in tow) while they were in town. I didn't know what I was talking about
from experience, I just read it off Citysearch.
They ended up going somewhere in Westchester, but the following weekend
James randomly made reservations for the two of us, which was sort of
baffling since we don't normally do the Sunday brunch thing, let alone at
swank-ish places.

I wasn't complaining. They seem to be all about their wood-burning oven
(jeez, who isn't these days?) so it only seemed right to order fancy eggs
benedict with smoked salmon on brioche, cooked in the contraption. Very
nice. And while opting-out of a morning cocktail (too much wine at Les
Halles the night before), I was impressed that they made Ramos Gin Fizzes by
the pitcher.

Five Points * Great Jones St., New York, NY

Share on Tumblr

Nov 9

Les Halles Downtown

All that a bistro should be, at least it feels that way. I went all classic
and ordered the hanger steak with frites and a frisee salad with lardons and
blue cheese. Meals like this make me think the Atkins Diet might actually be
doable. But can man live on meat and fat alone? (11/9/02)

Oh, this place always makes me go overboard on fat. The lardon filled
frisee salad with blue cheese heaped crouton-bruschetta would be a
sufficient meal, but I went nuts and also ordered the duck confit with
truffled potatoes. You know, I think I mightve ordered that exact same combo
the last time I visited Les Halles, which wasn't recently at all.

The food is always satisfying, but the service tends to mystify. Waiters
change throughout the meal, drinks are screwed up and then you are never
asked the rest of the evening if youd like another or even how your food is.
There's nothing maliciously poor about any of it, but you get the sense that
no one knows what theyre doing.

I was internally making fun of the young obvious out-of-towners a table
down from us because they wanted vegan items and then the guy just ordered
and ate while his girlfriend watched (I guess she was the no animal product
person). Why would anyone think French food would lend itself to this style
of eating? But then the tables were turned (almost literally) when I tried
to squeeze out of our two-seater without pulling out the table and my tipsy
(I eventually was able to flag down more wine) fat ass barely fit between
ours and the next and I almost fell on my head. Though I still think trying
to order vegan fare in a bistro is more foolish than forcing a large body
into a small space. (6/30/05)

LesHalles
Downtown * John St., New York,NY

Share on Tumblr

Nov 8

Midtown Friday’s

All those commercials about "in here it's always Friday," making the chain
dining experience look like a blast, the bartenders something like
"Cocktail" era maestros, don't apply to this location. Chains are weird in
NYC to begin with. At least the Times Square location can boast being the
largest in the United States. Since chains are always inexplicably busy,
hour or more waits not uncommon for Olive Gardens and Red Lobsters, it
seemed baffling that TGI Friday's could be dead, on of all nights, Friday.

Along a tourist corridor, the prices were easily $5 higher than
reasonable for fajitas, chicken strips and the like. But the suburban
experience in the city doesn't come cheap, and I could abide that. We were
quite possibly the only "locals" downing Buffalo wings and BBQ chicken pizza
that evening.

TGIFriday's *
1680 Broadway, New York, NY

Share on Tumblr