Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

Bullseye

Forget that lame ass Target holiday boat and Mizrahi Rockefeller Center thing. Everyone knows stand-alone Targets rule, and Manhattan is just plain missing out. My first NYC box store experience was monumental, and it certainly wouldn't be my last. That's why I was so excited about the Starrett City Greatlands that opened a year or so ago in Brooklyn. But to be honest, it was more of haul than I'd anticipated, even by car. (My last foray into those oddball streets like New Lots Ave. was when I fell asleep/passed out on the L train [no, I didn't live in Williamsburg] and ended up in the Canarsie subway yards at 5am.) Starrett City is always an adventure, but not one I've repeated since.

The round, double-decker Target in Elmhurst has proven to be more my speed. And they've even managed to keep the shopping cart escalator from falling into disrepair (I was convinced the mechanical novelty would be perpetually broken). This location is more subway and pedestrian friendly than Starret City, despite its placement on the "boulevard of death," Queens Blvd. The center is enhanced by the presence of Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, Daffy's, DSW and assorted other mall stalwarts. But I think Queens still freaks a lot of people out, it's doubtful they get many Manhattan trekkers.

That's why I'm so curious to see what will happen with the Atlantic Terminal mall. Sitting atop a major subway hub, a mere express stop from Manhattan, it could be a hit. Part of me fears The City-dwellers will overrun the place like some undiscovered gem they've carelessly claimed as their own find. The other half wonders if it'll suck as hard as the bastard stepchild of a "mall" across the street. I've never encountered a shopping hub so ghetto un-fabulous as the Atlantic Center. The saddest Old Navy, Marshall's and Macy's ever, woefully reside in the concrete eyesore. I've heard that it was designed to discourage loitering, and believe me it does. But we're in a new millenium, and a new rapidly gentrifying downtown Brooklyn. There are going to be two Starbucks in the Atlantic Terminal mall, for Frappuccino-ing out loud (though let's not forget the middlebrow Chuck E. Cheese's that will also be present). Who knows what riches the Atlantic Terminal mall will bring to the borough?

Target * Various locations, NYC

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Putting the Anus Back in Gowanus

Home improvement has never wound me up one way or the other. I don't have a home, and improvement of any variety has never been at the top of my to-do list. But an alternative to the heinous Red Hook Home Depot was welcome.

Lowe's is different, and not just because it's blue where Home Depot is orange. Or that they are customer service focused (they have greeters and employees that walk past you have to say hi, apparently) where Home Depot's staff acts like they wish you were dead. They both attract Hassidic Jews in droves (would someone please explain what's up with these guys and their d.i.y. fixation? Is it like Mormons having to go on missions, but in this case God wants them to build lots of crap? I noticed last week that the Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin-Robbins combo inside the neighboring Pathmark had put up a banner declaring themselves kosher, and I was like who freakin' cares over here. But then I thought back to all those handy Hassids-a very influential lot, perhaps.)

No, what sets Lowe's apart is its lovely attempts at urban landscaping. Both stores sit on the picturesque Gowanus Canal, but only Lowe's has brilliantly chosen to put park benches, gravel trails and light posts at water's edge to allow customers an eyeful of the breathtaking views. It's pure South Brooklyn beauty. There's the BQE to your left, a massive pile of garbage and metal natural gas(?) containers in middle sight, and the elevated Smith/9th St. station to your right. The benches facing the empty dirt lot under the subway tracks, filled with debris is really a sight to see. Also, don't miss the 9/11 mural, complete with giant bald eagle and American flags. Nice.

Lowe's * 118 2nd Ave., Brooklyn, NY

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Particle Board Paradise

I was an Ikea late bloomer, but it wasn't my fault. The NW, where I spent the first 24 years or so of my life, is colorful, functional furniture deprived. But from the first moment I set foot on NYC soil, the Ikea seed was planted. Where did you get that cute, cheap insert item here? Ikea, duh. But I didn?t want to do the Port Authority shuttle like all the other New Yorkers that I?d instantly taken a disliking to. No, fresh from Portland, I wanted the suburban experience, even if it involved extra effort.

Hicksville became my focus. Heck, the LIRR stops there. (For at least my first year here, I harbored all sorts of sick romantic notions about Long Island, Levittown, little run-down prefab houses and how I should somehow be a part of that. Really, I was already isolated and trapped in Ridgewood, Queens–why not go full throttle?)

About five years later, I finally visited the Hicksville location, thanks to a car-owning boyfriend, and it is better than Elizabeth (though the newer Paramus store beats all). And it feels super Swedish since there?s also an H&M kitty-corner in the mall.

Ikea * Various locations, NJ & NY

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Pathmark of Least Resistance

Not too far from here, is this freakish, large-for-NYC Pathmark with a parking lot. I could never figure it out. I've passed it as a passenger countless times because it's en route between James's apartment, now my new one, and my old place.

The store gives the impression of being in the middle of nowhere despite being blocks from the Smith and 9th St. F/G line. Maybe that's because it isn't really in a particular neighborhood. That semi-industrial stretch of the BQE isn't quite Red Hook, Carroll Gardens or Park Slope, though it cusps all three. I think it's what they call Gowanus, despite not being an official neighborhood (though I do appreciate any word that contains 'anus' like that).

I always figured this Pathmark must be a draw for Red Hook residents since it's just on the other side Hamilton Ave. and that neighborhood is probably even a little more lacking in decent amenities than my old neck of the woods, Sunset Park north. In other words, it must be busted. But I was still curious about it.

James didn't even know it existed until a few weeks ago when I pointed it out (I guess driving takes a lot of concentration'I just assume those who helm notice the same things as passengers). As far as wide-aisle, lots of choice, cheap 'real' grocery stores go, he's pretty loyal to Western Beef in Ridgewood. Which is kind of silly and out of the way, considering that's now two neighborhoods ago for me, but it's quick in a car. But still, we figured Pathmark might be worth a peek.

So yes, it actually is a real grocery store with a normal produce section, bakery, fish counter, etc. (however, they don't have gruyere, which is a benchmark I've been using since I had trouble finding fondue ingredients a few months ago. The Pathmark on Atlantic does have gruyere and is a little more upscale than this location, but that place is pain to deal with and is housed in the most broken Brooklyn shopping center with the world's saddest Old Navy, Marshall's and Macy's). They have Coinstar machines, self-serve checkout (which always makes me nervous outside suburban areas, people here have a particular knack for fucking the thing up, assuming it's even working. At Home Depot, you're lucky if one of four kiosks is up and running) and a bizarre mini mall arrangement inside with a Dunkin Donuts, optometrist, 99-cent type store, and liquor store that's open on Sunday. It's an all right place, especially if you're one of those types who just enjoys the feel of pushing a cart around aimlessly and browsing varieties of Hot Pockets (not that I'm buying Hot Pockets, I just like seeing the flavors. Beef Taco just seems wrong.)

I was enjoying my leisurely Saturday afternoon stroll through the supermarket (yeah, this is what passes for fun once you start living with a guy) when out of the corner of my eye I see my old upstairs neighbor with that hideous, always-squealing toddler with a balloon jammed into a shopping cart mere inches from me. I was like oh shit, jerked my head to the right, then saw the dad on another aisle. And this was weird because just last week I had been speculating on where my upstairs neighbors shopped and conducted business because they don't have a car either, and during my three-year stint in Sunset Park I'd never once seen them hauling groceries or laundry.

Running into my week-old former neighbors wouldn't have been doomsday, but I like tidy endings. When I dropped off my keys with them last week it closed that chapter. It wouldn't have been a big deal to just say hi at the supermarket, but I didn't want to. It was like they were continuing to invade my world, as if it wasn't enough to hear screaming, jumping and balls bouncing through the ceiling and have their horrible macaroni and cheese and Cheerios back up into my sink, and soapy shower water pour through the walls of my bathroom, they had to be in my new found grocery store too'!

Argh. I don't even know how they got there, it's not on a direct subway line, but they're those Brooklyn types who take car services all over. I freaked out and ran into the frozen food section. And it's not like I was really that well camouflaged considering that besides the foursome I was trying to avoid, James and I were practically the only other white people in the place (I don't think it's racist to explain a clientele in terms of color or ethnicity, but James thinks this is heinously wrong and embarrassing. But I don't see how it's offensive. Would it be upsetting if I said we were the only white people in a Chinese restaurant' Maybe it's using 'white.' Is saying we were the only non-Asians any better' Should I be P.C. and pretend like I don't notice differences: 'love see no color' [this was a lame slogan on street vendor tees in Portland in the early '90s]). It's kind of like when you're a kid and you see your teacher at the grocery store, running into them out of context is awkward, paths aren't meant to cross in certain environments. There's no escape in this world, I guess.

Pathmark * 25 12th St, Brooklyn, NY

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