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Virginia Is For Lovers

coronrita for two

Initially, I wasn’t so sure about Vice’s new Sugar Babies column, but thankfully it’s not all Trump Towers, Japanese toilets (and ghee). The latest installment from a chubby girl in the Northern Virginia suburbs is pretty awesome, though.

Lessons learned:

Chains are the most stealthy.

“My friends all hang out at the local bars and restaurants downtown, so I normally suggest we meet at chain restaurants: Ruby Tuesday, Outback Steakhouse, Chili’s, etc.”

Outback Steakhouse has the best lighting.

“I like Outback because it’s a bit darker in there; places like Ruby Tuesday and Applebee’s are always lit so brightly and it’s really unflattering.”

Closeted clients can be ok too.

“We didn’t have sex—he just wanted company—but he was really fun. He’d buy my Jeffrey Campbell shoes and take me to Outback.”

The Great American Restaurants group in Northern Virginia has the classiest chains.

“For example, there’s Coastal Flats, which is like a super high-end Red Lobster with amazing crab chowder, and Sweetwater Tavern, which has delicious bread and fantastic cocktails. And the decorations are amazing. They have giant black jellyfish everywhere. It’s great.”

Ugh, I just learned about Coastal Flats last week, but four days later officially broke up with the boyfriend of 13+ years with family in Northern Virginia and went there for Mother’s Day so now I’ll never be able to go and my life is ruined. In other words, how does one go about becoming a sugar baby?

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