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End Times

New non-lame brioche bun. Photo: Ricardo Ramirez Buxeda/Orlando Sentinel

New non-lame brioche bun
Photo: Ricardo Ramirez Buxeda/Orlando Sentinel

I woke up feeling not quite right, a malaise I initially attributed to poor sleep and unsettling ’90s boyfriend dreams possibly induced by too much Thai food (Larb Ubol really is the best of the Ninth Street bunch, by the way) and few too many beers at tourist-filled Irish bars near Penn Station. But now I recognize that the unease must have something to do with all of the sudden changes surfacing in the chain restaurant universe.

I got a hint last week when I read about Tony Roma’s (yes, it still exists) adding fish and couscous and Hard Rock Cafe swapping out the processed cheese on its nachos for a cheddar and jack blend. But today we reached a tipping point, and the potato bun-hating, salted caramel-loving millennials have finally won. Since I decided to get out of bed, I’ve discovered the following:

Ok, I’m going back to bed now.

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