Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
I feel a strange sense of responsibility when I see Google queriers (yeah, another not-real word) ending up here when it’s very likely that they have no real desire to read anything on this website (blog, whatever). It must be the librarian in me because I feel compelled to help these misguided searchers.
Time permitting, I vow to help the hapless tackle their information needs each and every Friday. You know, it’s always me, me, me (hence the name of this site, duh) so it’s only right that I give back to the online community.
Below are selected search strings, presented verbatim, from approximately the past 24 hours:
1. adult stores paramus "new jersey"
First, I would need to know whether this individual meant retailers for grown ups or porn shops. It’s not like it’s difficult to find naked people doing dirty things on the web, and clearly this person has an internet connection so I’m baffled as to why they’d need bricks and mortar porn. I’m not going to touch this one.
However, The Garden State Plaza Mall in Paramus has many offerings for the discerning adult. Lladro is quite classy. I’ve never frequented After Hours Formalwear, but it too sounds right up this searcher’s alley.
2. is juliana margulies Italian
This is a stumper. Clearly, I thought so a couple weeks ago, but I never found any hard evidence to support this. Her father is Jewish, her mother’s ethnicity is a mystery. But let’s not ignore the clues:
- Obviously she humps uber-Italians on tv. I thought she’d eventually succumb to Tony’s fatso charm, but it evolved into hot junkie sex with Christopher. Who knew?
- She majored in art history at Sarah Lawrence College and spent her junior year abroad in Florence, Italy.
- She starred in Ghost Ship, a wretched little movie that was perpetually on late night cable last year. The phantom ocean liner in question, the "Antonia Graza," was Italian.
Do you need any more substantiation than that? I thought not.
3. trader joe's paramus
What’s up with all the freakin’ Paramus? Though Paramus might seem like the kind of town that would house a TJ’s, it’s just not so. The nearest location is only six miles away in Westwood. It’s my favorite New Jersey branch because it’s never wildly crowded (though it’s lacks the beer and wine of Westfield’s Trader Joe’s) but be wary of the Melting Pot down the street. You’d be better off chomping on a wedge of Trader Giotto's Soy Cheese and calling it a day.
4. phone number for Lucille Roberts in Linden, NJ
Ah, ready reference. A librarian's specialty. At your service: (908) 474-0400 1601 W Edgar Rd.
5. wisdom teeth removed pain pictures
Ok, what kind of freaky sadists are out there searching, anyway? You want to see people in pain? Maybe the searcher simply wants to see after photos to get an idea of what it’s in store visually. I sort of get that. What do you think about that kid on the right? Not painful enough for you? Fine, here are some links you’ll love:
Bloody mouth college guy who seems to be enjoying himself
Drugged looking guy with creepy facial hair
Some guy named Brad with a cat named James.
6. pull your own wisdom teeth
Ok, now you’re just being nuts. This is America, retard. You’ll have to cross the pond for that kind of national healthcare horror.