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When You’re Here, You’re Family


One of the most unwelcome things this time of year is the barrage of food magazines blathering on about grilling. I do not have a yard. I do not care about grilling. When these useless issues come charging out the gates, I become sad.

But on the upside, if the weather is warming up enough that means crazy alfresco porn is on the horizon. May’s Gourmet only hints at what’s to come with a feature, Cucina Paradiso, that showcases a little trompe l’oeil teasing, birthing a new genre in the process: fresco porn.

The mural provides a mere illusion of Italian countryside. This could easily stray into Olive Garden territory (I’m seriously obsessed with what goes on at their Tuscan Culinary Institute) and yet it remains tasteful. I am not bothered by this. The plate of lamb chops is making my hungry, I love that green-and-white polka dot dress and the woman with cheery pink lipstick just out of the frame would come from a modeling agency’s plus-size division (so cruel at 10+) which I appreciate.

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