Goodies First

Oct 12

Ferreira Cafe

It freaks me out when a server tries to turn you off a menu item. I feel
like they're trying to keep me away from something really good that they're
afraid Americans won't like. (I will truly eat anything. The only time I was
given pause was over this laksa I'd been warned about at Singapore Cafe. I
know laksa, I love laksa, but this was laksa like no other. I swear there
was liver and twigs in it.) So, I asked about acorda, having no idea
what it was, and the waiter forcefully suggested I order something else,
saying "people who order it know what they're getting," and described it
vaguely as a bread soup with seafood, which didn't sound so beastly to me. I
couldn't tell if this was meant to be snotty like if you have to ask, you
don't need to know or if he just saying that it's something serious
Portuguese cuisine aficionados (I know zilch about Portuguese food) are fond
of, in which case I might like to try it.

Instead, I ordered a most un-Portugeuse starter of tuna tartare with
"armes asiatiques," (I can't understand why they're so into being
French-Canadian) then went for the bacalao entree, which prompted the waiter
to tell me it was salt cod, which was a big "duh," but I guess once you have
to ask about the acorda, you're dubbed an oaf for the rest of the evening.

The most interesting course was the dessert. Amid the requisite molten
chocolate cake, I found a stilton cheese cake with bananas, chocolate
ganache and a port sauce. It sounded totally insane, was incredibly rich,
but totally worked. I furthered the gauche quotient by ordering the house
port, an $800 vintage bottle would seriously be wasted on me.

Regardless, the meal was nice, and even nicer with the exchange rate.
The vibe was sort of business swank, not exactly my scene, but I just wanted
to go somewhere upscale that wasn't French (I'm not anti-French, I swear).
(10/12/02)

FerreiraCafe Trattoria *
1446 Peel St., Montreal,Canada

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Oct 3

Karam

I was on a crazy Middle Eastern kick that only lasted this week, but it was
good while it lasted. Nothing beats a shawarma sandwich after a hard day
shopping at the Bay Ridge Century 21 (yet before going to the gym down the
street — there's nothing like doing crunches with a stomach full of lamb).
I've barely delved beyond basics, not because I'm scared of brain or tongue
or anything, but because NYC-style ordering at cramped, busy places like
this frazzle me and I end up blurting out the things I know. I must learn to
slow down and study a menu, no matter how spazzed out this city makes me.

Karam * 8519 Fourth Ave., Brooklyn, NY

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Oct 3

Moustache

1/2

This is a Portland guy's idea of a date place: one step up from burritos,
but less than $10 per person (assuming you don't order appetizers or
alcohol, which might be a correct assumption). At least that's what Jessica
and I have speculated when thinking back on the guys we're used to. To be
honest, I could see her getting dragged to Moustache well before I would. I
just don't date those kind of guys (pot-smoking, head-in-the-clouds, full of
unrealized dreams, singer/songwriter/artists who say they're going to move
to NYC). I'm at the haggard point in my life where a date should be a date
— thought-out, aiming to impress a little, care-taken, particularly in the
dining choice — I'm fussy about food, alright? I differentiate between
simply going out to eat with a guy and going on a dinner date.

This particular night was just getting something to eat because I was
craving Middle Eastern food, didn't want take-out falafel and Moustache was
nearby. I had a merguez sandwich, James had a lamb "pitza" and then we got
into a fight and I can't even remember what over. He left in such a huff
that he forgot his credit card at the restaurant. See? Moustache is no place
for couples (or couples to be).

MoustachePitza * 265 E. Tenth St., New York, NY

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Sep 28

Zum Stammtisch

I'll admit my knowledge of German cuisine barely extends beyond what I grew
up with at the debatably authentic Rheinlander in Portland, Oregon. I used
to go nuts for the fondue (and middle-aged, lederhosen-clad accordionist
who's been there for like 20 years, is still there, and once made me laugh
so hard I cried by playing my request of "Consider Yourself").

Zum Stammtisch has neither fondue, nor accordions. However, they
do go for the full Teutonic, taxidermy and cuckoo clock treatment, and
serve plenty of goodies no one in Portland would dare touch like head
cheese.

I went whole hog and ordered the Bayerische Bauern Platte filled
with potato salad and sauerkraut and topped with a bratwurst, kassler
rippchen (smoked pork loin) and leberkase, which I couldn't for the life of
me figure out. It tasted sort of livery, but the texture was springy like
bologna. I found out leberkase translates literally as "liver
cheese" and that sounds about right. On the opposite side of the
spectrum, Jessica, the unfortunate vegetarian in tow had only one choice
(amusingly, "vegetables available by request" quietly sits at the
bottom of each page of the menu) and what a peculiar one. A strangely
non-German grilled camembert, consisting of two rounds of breaded, fried
cheese on english muffins topped with jellied cranberry sauce?!

Oh my, they know how to do it up in Queens. Really, I've been
thinking about returning ever since.

Zum Stammtisch * 6946
Myrtle Ave., Glendale, Queens

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Sep 26

Gebhardt’s

I was kind of nervous, seeing how this was supposedly a German restaurant
though they had a "Bistro Bar Menu," advertising a blooming onion. But they
did have a German section on the regular menu, so I opted for an acceptable
sauerbraten with pretty good sauerkraut. Things got scary German when James
insisted our waiter, who did have a clean-shaven head, was a skinhead and
had Aryan Nation tattoos. I didn't really believe him, he just looked like a
youngster who might be into metal, and it's not like James knows Nazis. I
mean, I'm the one from the NW where Aryan youth run rampant. However, things
got much freakier a few nights later when I returned to the neighborhood to
try another German restaurant, Von Westernhagen's, and there was a big,
loud, middle-aged, crew-cutted Nazi-esque figure at the bar. He plainly said
"sieg heil, white power" numerous times and matter-of-factly made his
feelings known about the black character on "The Green Mile," which happened
to be playing on TV. They do say Queens is the most ethnically diverse
county in the entire United States, though you might not guess in Glendale.
(9/26/02)

Closed: It's been gone awhile, but I just remembered. I'm pretty sure
they have a Long Island location, though. (6/6/05)

Gebhardt's* 6506 Myrtle Ave., Glendale, Queens

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Sep 13

Havana Central

Unremarkable. Same with "One Hour Photo," which we saw afterward. It was agreed that within a week we would have forgotten both the restaurant and movie. I have a hard time forgetting something I've told myself to forget, but you get the idea.

I ordered the undignified-sounding fried pork chunks hoping for something wonderfully crisp, fatty and flavorful like lechon or the fried pork with basil at Sripraphai. No such luck. The meat was dull and dry, likely a lean cut of pork to start with. It just doesn't work like that–you need the fat. If I was being respectful of my health, I wouldn't have ordered fried pork in the first place.

Barring the mojitos, the prices were reasonable and the portions were huge. I'm a fan of big and cheap, but mediocre? Not so much.

Havana Central * 74 17th St., New York, NY

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Sep 11

Soda Pops

Soda has officially gone out of control. And for someone who doesn’t drink the stuff (if I only had a similar aversion to candy and fried food I’d be pretty healthy), I’ve certainly taken an interest in all the new flavors and colors. I knew there was a lemon diet Pepsi from that icky commercial with that little curly-haired girl, but Pepsi Twist also comes in a full sugar version. Not to be outdone, Diet Coke with Lemon is also on the market (is this new? I wasn’t familiar with it). Competing with Mountain Dew’s Code Red is Dr. Pepper Red Fusion with its enticing “bold flava.” I didn’t even know they still made Jolt, they do, and now it comes in vivid colors (with corresponding flavors) like green, blue and purple. Mr. Green is a new Dr. Pepper rip off from SoBe that entices with a neon green color. What is it with those prune flavored colas demanding titles–who could forget Mr. Pibb? I predict Rev. Red with the phattest, phreshest flava you’ve eva seen, in the near future. Word up? Speaking of the near future, next year 7up will introduce dnL, 7up backwards. The soda, bright green and caffeinated, will be the opposite of 7up’s clear and non-caffeinated formula. Apparently, in 2003 the earth turns into Bizzaro World.

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Sep 8

Spam’s Officially Cheesey

Spam with Cheese There’s turkey Spam, low sodium Spam, but you won’t find cheese Spam on their website. However, I did find it displayed on a pile of cardboard boxes at my favorite Ridgewood, Queens grocer, Western Beef. According to the label it’s a limited edition–just like all those collectible coins you see advertised. Hurry up before they’re all gone!

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Sep 4

United Noodle

Our third anniversary passed without much fanfare. Same as the second, and
most likely the fourth, if that comes to pass. I'm not sure why that is. At
least the meal was nice. United Noodle has all the makings of return visit:
it's mere blocks from James's apt., fusion-esque, but not out of control
(I'm a sucker for fusion) and reasonably priced.

We started with a tower of wontons with shrimp and an orange citrusy
sauce. I ordered a decidedly non-summery dish of short ribs with
papperadelle. It was wonderfully meaty and anise-scented with sweet cherry
tomatoes and a green (possibly Asian, it wasn't broccoli rabe). I was
actually more enamored of James's shrimp and scallops in what they menu said
was carrot pudding, which was really a rich, creamy, sweet sauce. There
might have even been vanilla in it, I couldn't put my finger on all the
flavors. Luckily, we switched plates at the half-way mark to get a little
variety.

Dinner was topped off with an ubiquitous molten chocolate cake. No big
shakes, but not bad. One of these days I'm going to play stupid and throw a
fit that my cake isn't properly cooked. "Send this back, I'm not paying for
a raw cake!" "If I wanted to eat batter I could do it at home and it save
the $7!" Eh, I don't think I have the nerve.

UnitedNoodle * 349 E. 12th St., New York, NY

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Sep 2

Tacos Moreno

I heard this was the place to go for tacos, but they were closed every time
we passed by. Luckily, they were open our last day in town. I got carnitas
as usual, and they were good. I was nervous and in a rush so I couldn't
savor them as I might've liked to. They're the only place I encountered in
SC that used beans in their tacos. Is that all right to do?

Tacos Moreno * 1053 Water St., Santa Cruz, CA

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