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Apr 4

Applebee’s Union, NJ

While I’m certain that New Jersey must offer independently owned restaurants, upscale fare, creative cooking–it’s a big state—that’s not how I treat our neighbor. My regular weekend visits are an escape from homemade pickles, impeccably sourced produce and backyard slaughtered meat. Sometimes a girl wants breaded fried cheese and cocktails made with sour mix.

But you can’t have it both ways. In order to see Greenberg opening weekend and avoid my fellow Brooklynites, I had to seek out The Court Street cinema (the smaller one with E.T. murals on the side, not the Court Street theater near Atlantic where everyone talks through the movies and can’t stay in their seats, that would be the AMC Aviation 12 in Linden, New Jersey) of New Jersey, a fourplex in Millburn.

I didn’t know the first thing about Millburn. It’s cutesy. They had a Trader Joe’s, a Starbucks and a Dunkin Donuts designed to look old-timey so as not to destroy the main street character. No major casual dining chains. Our GPS led us five miles southeast to the nearest Applebee’s in Union, New Jersey.

Union is kids selling candy in parking lots (aggressively at Target, knocking on parked car windows) while Millburn is more Cheeks Boutique (those pre-roll ads touting local businesses really work on me) and middle-aged men wearing Crocs.

One of the waitresses at this Applebee’s had a tattoo on the back of her neck with the numbers 333 sprouting devil horns and the phrase “half evil.” She was also half-helpful, explaining to the table behind me how their Two for $20 special (which doesn’t show up if you browse the Applebee’s menus online using an NYC zip code) has a lot more food than Chili’s two-fer deal. I wonder if the servers at Chili's say the same thing about Applebee's?

This was my first encounter with a margarita garnished with a lime and a green olive. I couldn’t be bothered to say anything or to remove the offender. If anything, the briny traces probably balanced out some of the drink’s sweetness.

The Ultimate Trio with an appetizer threesome of our choosing. Yes, the pork wonton tacos were on purpose. The hot wings had been given the usual Buffalo sauce bath and had an extra sprinkling of cayenne for good measure. We got stuck on the question, “buffalo wings or boneless buffalo wing?” Can you call something a wing if it lacks bone structure? Dynamite shrimp are an updated take on popcorn shrimp, coated in panko crumbs, fried and coated in a sweet-and-sour glaze.

I was very tempted to order the fried chicken salad, but anyone with even rudimentary nutritional knowledge realizes that you may as well eat a burger and fries at a chain restaurant (they did have an Asian Crunch Salad in their under 550 calories section, but grilled chicken breast, snap peas and cucumbers is the last thing I want to eat at an Applebee’s).

The Fire Pit Bacon Burger employs a chipotle spread and pepper jack, but no particular flavor stood out. It is not a burger to rhapsodize about (unlike the cheeseburger I tried at eerily empty on a Friday night, Black Market, this weekend) I was happy enough to eat my remaining half for lunch the following afternoon, though.

Applebee’s * 1721 Morris Ave., Union, NJ

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Apr 4

Sahara

1/2 The “We don’t have any tables this evening unless you made reservations” spiel I was given at 6:30pm the Saturday before Tanoreen was reviewed in the New York Times, kind of threw me. Ok, bye. I wasn’t going to be Minetta Taverned in Bay Ridge. As much as Sripraphai, too, has grown to attract diners beyond the immediate neighborhood (also to the point of impenetrability on weekend nights) I like that they’ve maintained a first come first served policy and are unlikely to start offering valet parking.

But I wanted a bunch of mezzes still. We’d parked in front of Sally & George’s, but I didn’t know if they were going to cut it or not. Maybe I am missing out, I just wasn’t taking any more chances that evening. Off to Coney Island Avenue, home of Sahara and the most unlikely billboard advertising campaign that actually worked on me.

This is really the domain of Previously on Sahara, but before I had any inkling that I would be living on the corner of Fourth Place and Henry Street, I used to drive past a giant Sahara ad along the BQE, just a block south from where I now reside. From a distance the meat on a spit (poorly photographed plastic rendition on the façade of the restaurant pictured) looked like an ice cream sundae, at closer range, a meat sundae (just yesterday I read about the existence of a barbecue sundae—nothing to do with Middle Eastern food yet intriguing, right?). After countless billboard drive-bys, I eventually had to see what Sahara was all about for myself.

But really, my favorite things at Sahara have nothing to do with meat. The small cold appetizer platter (there is a selection of warm items, too, but I was trying to avoid an abundance of fried food) a.k.a. karisik meze tabagri is only $9.50 and contains hummus, baba ghanoush, eggplant spread, potato salad, fried eggplant, lebne (garlic yogurt and walnuts), tabule and a stuffed grape leaf. All their English spellings. Paired with the warm rounds of Turkish bread, it could easily be a standalone meal. Even shared, it’s substantial.

I also ordered one of the many lamb plus rice dishes, the beyti kebab, lightly spiced ground meat mixed with parsley and onion. There are seven other ways to enjoy lamb on the menu, as well as a page devoted to chicken and another to seafood. It has never occurred to me to try a whole sea bream or sword fish kebabs.

Leaving with leftovers, too full for dessert, I did stop by the front takeout counter and picked out two pieces of baklava to go. They didn’t even charge me. Really? Service is not what big and bustling Sahara is known for, so this small gesture stood out. I couldn’t picture a circumstance where Tanoreen would offer me pastries on the house.

Sahara * 2337 Coney Island Ave., Brooklyn, NY

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Apr 2

Suan Lum Night Bazaar

When I was planning my original not-to-be trip to Thailand for November 2008, I kept reading how the Suan Lum night bazaar was on the verge of closing and it could happen at any moment. The sprawling, less dense and slightly less skin scalding (though no less humid) than Chatuchak night market in the center of Bangkok, lost its lease in 2007. Yet it was still there in 2008 even though I couldn’t get into Suvarnabhumi, and it was still there in March 2010 when I finally did make it to Bangkok.

I wasn’t there to bargain or shop (James bought a “Prada” wallet) though I did spy some very cool shoes. I really liked those colorful oxford flats. However, I gave up on trying to buy clothing and shoes in SE Asia long ago (I had my eye out for Fat Story, supposedly at Suan Lum, at the very least for a photo op). It’s not worth the humiliation—if you’re larger than an American size 8 in either shoe or dress I suggest you find other pursuits in Thailand.

Like eating. Suan Lum has a food court/beer garden with an enormous amount of seating and a large stage with a video monitor to showcase the er, entertainment. James said it all, “I’ve never heard so much bad singing in public.” True, no shame from Filipino cover bands at hotel lounges, the blind with microphones shuffling through tourist markets or the highly choreographed, costumed dance routines of the bands performing tone deaf Thai pop at Suan Lum. It hurts less when you can’t understand the words.

But it’s all good fun. The food, I suspect is pricier than what you could get off the street and toned down a notch for foreigners, but is still quite tasty and hardly a rip off. Plus, there’s lots of beer and those outdoor misters you encounter all over Thailand and Malaysia that don’t even come close to approximating air conditioning but you’re thankful for anyway. You will never be able to stop sweating completely, maybe even if you lived there for a decade. I don’t think we spent more than $10 in newsprint stapled together tickets, which you buy from one booth and get your remainder refunded at another window upon leaving.

I really took a shining to som tam this vacation. I don’t think I’ve eat so much papaya salad in a two-week period. This seafood-laded version could’ve been spicer, though I might not have realized how demure it was if we hadn’t just been pummeled by what I’d expected to be a run-of-the-mill street version in a go-go bar corner of Hua Hin.

The same stand also had fried pork neck with a chile dipping sauce. So simple and fatty, perfect drinking food.

I didn’t eat any pad thai in Thailand. It was probably good. I was just shying away from the obvious American choice. I do wonder if that’s an American thing or a if pad thai is the most popular dish everywhere outside Thailand.

Oyster omelet was a random choice. It’s not my favorite dish; even good versions are kind of greasy, filling and starchy. I bought a bottle of Heinz chili sauce, also called sriracha but slightly sweeter and more orange than the popular Huy Fong brand (yes, Vietnamese-American) condiment in the states. Maybe I’ll attempt this eggy dish at home.