Off the Mark
Since I'm not a someone who gets invites to star-studded openings, even when they involve my precious Target, I wasn't privy to tongue-in-cheekily strolling the aisles with the likes of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Chloe Sevigny or whatever former and current it-girls decided to get all downscale and ironic last night. Where the hell was Scarlett Johansen? I can't think too hard on it or I'll fucking hurl, but don't you worry, I'll be there Sunday with the rest of the common people, the "Brooklyn trash," you know? Since July 25, the hard opening, falls on my birthday, I originally thought I must be blessed. But seeing how Lizzie Grubman's pained, poop-brown visage has already sullied the space, it's clear that I'm cursed. That's the kind of taint you couldn't even remove with an entire display of artfully poised Clorox bottles.
Target * 139 Flatbush Ave., Brooklyn, NY