I’ve started eating cereal and soy milk for breakfast. This week I picked up a box of Special K Red Berries, not because the commercial claims eating a bowl for two meals a day will cause weight loss in two weeks (duh, a serving size is only 1/2 cup. It’d be hard not to lose weight, eating a cup of cereal in place of two regular meals) but because it was on sale. Actually, the reason I started eating cereal was the result of some other quack study reporting people who ate cereal for breakfast on average weighed eight pounds less than folks who ate other things or even skipped breakfast. Whatever, the point is red berries. I saw the picture on the box and was like “bullshit, there’s real, juicy berries inside.” What is inside are thick, weird, freeze-dried, chewy strawberry slices reminiscent of an old Weight Watchers snack from the early ’80s. I wonder if anyone currently obsessed with counting points remembers those packets filled little nuggets of dried apple. It’s the kind of crap my mom would pawn off on me pretending it was better than candy. However, rehydrated with milk, the red berries aren’t half-bad. Not candy, but edible.